Consequences

Pastor Ian preached about Consequences this past Sunday. It made me think about a lot of the choices I've made in the past. One of things that's been on my mind, obviously, is blogging. But moreover I've been thinking a lot about how much the world has changed, how close we are together and how easily we can reach eachother.

Whether that's a good thing or not can be left up to you to decide.

But about blogging. Of course I've always known that this blog is readily available to anyone with internet access, except perhaps those with restricted access in various countries. But it never really became so apparent to me as it did a couple weeks ago. It's just the realization that ANYONE could be reading this.

I never really thought twice that what I said here could affect other people. The consequences of sharing my experiences a year ago could have huge repercussions. It's one big web of dissension.

Perhaps the word itself "blog" is somewhat deceiving. Originating from "web log", it is a log that is found on the web. It's accessible to the general public. But when you think of logs, or journals, or perhaps diaries, the word "public" does not enter your mind. To view a log usually takes some work. You might need to retrieve a log, say from a storage device. A journal might require you to search under someone's mattress or pillow. Finding a diary might not be good enough, a lot of them have locks and require a key to open --- and heaven forbid if you did open it up --- reading someone's diary is widely considered an invasion of privacy. But a blog.. a blog is read by everyone.

(In fact, the moment you press "Publish" it is pretty much etched in stone. Even if you retract it, it's already too late because people have those pesky RSS feeders that retrieve it the instant you publish.)

Pretty crazy. Kinda makes you want to think twice the next time you post, eh?

Perfect pitch

I only know a few people with perfect pitch. Many people say they have perfect pitch but then they prove otherwise by their singing. I don't know if that means they don't have perfect pitch, but I do know they didn't sing in perfect pitch. Or could it be that I'm so way off myself, that perfection sounds off? I'm not so sure.

For whatever reason, I've been listening to a lot of Carpenters lately. Two weeks ago I was listening to a whole lot of rap music at work, then I saw Hellboy II, and found myself listening to Barry Manilow. Then for some reason I started looking up Carpenters, and now I can't get enough of it. Karen Carpenter had such a great voice, it's soft and gentle, yet assertive. And she's got perfect pitch for sure, there's no doubt about it. She sounded pretty damn good in her day, makes me sad that she died so young.

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Day 3

Level 1: 5
Level 2: 4
Level 3: 4
Level 4: 3
Level 5: max (at least 5)

So I went ahead with the program last night, just after dinner. Everything went fine, this morning I'm not sore at all, I'm not sure what to think of that. Anyhow, I managed 12 on level 5, just barely bettering my previous record of 11 in a row.

Although the program suggests 3 days per week, I kind of want just keep going on this every other day thing that I've been doing so far.

The best movie ever made?

On Saturday I went down to Mel Lastman Square to check out the CCSA mid-season mixer. There were a few bands playing, a couple of them comprised of kids from our church so I just wanted to see how good they were. I called my brother and we met up there, listened to the bands play and then we got bored and decided to go home.

As I headed back into Empress Walk I wondered aloud if the theater was showing The Dark Knight, because sometimes it doesn't show the big blockbuster films.

We went up the escalator and lo and behold there it was, and it was starting 15 minutes! So in we went.

Amazingly the theatres were all full, they had been showing the film all day and even ours was full. Rule of thumb: If Empress Walk theaters are full, then it MUST be a good movie.

I don't know if I would call it the best movie of all time, although some people believe it to be truth. It was pretty damn good, though flawed in that I felt like it could have ended a whole lot sooner, but I understand they wanted to do Dent some justice.

But easily the best Batman film ever. By a mile.

Anyway, go watch it. 15 million others already have.

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Day 2 of the push up plan was as follows (I did this on Saturday):

Level 1: 4 push ups
Level 2: 3 push ups
Level 3: 2 push ups
Level 4: 2 push ups
Level 5: max (at least 4)

90 seconds break between each level. I managed to get 11 at level 5, once again smashing my old record of 9 in a row. I guess I was overly optimistic to expect a linear improvement, going from 4 to 9 to 11. Am I peaking? I hope not. I was feeling pretty sore after Day 1, whereas today (for Day 3) I'm not feeling any soreness at all. Could I hit 15 today, or 12?

Week 1, Day 1

In the hundred push ups plan, day 1 of week 1 has 5 levels:

Level 1: 2 push ups
Level 2: 2 push ups
Level 3: 2 push ups
Level 4: 2 push ups
Level 5: max (at least 5)

You're supposed to give yourself 1 minute between each level of break time. I seemed to do relatively well, on Level 5 I managed 9 push ups in a row, smashing my old record of 4 in a row. The instructions say to give at least 1 day between workout days, I guess it gives your muscles a chance to tear and heal. Anyhow, I plan to do the next day on Saturday. I hope you will keep my accountable.
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There's the kid who performs at Market Square (that's the "square" in front of Metro Hall) once in awhile on Thursdays for "Indulge". They have food for sale and a farmer's market and live music. Anyway this kid is named Jordan John. He's a drummer but he can sing and I saw him play the electric guitar once. He's amazing..

He's living proof of how hard it must be to break into the music industry. The fact that he's not considered one of the more talented Canadian kids out there is amazing to me, unless he's simply just not interested in fame. Seeing him today playing drums and singing at the same time was really cool. I think what impresses me is that he plays the drums so effortlessly.

He'll be back next week and I'm definitely looking forward to it.

onehundredpushups

I found this site, http://www.hundredpushups.com yesterday through my newsfeed on Lifehacker yesterday. It's a 6-week training program that promises that by investing 3 days a week for a total of 30 minutes per week, you will be able to (or be well on your way to) do 100 push ups in one go.

The beauty of course with push ups is there's no equipment required, and you don't have to go anywhere to do it. That pretty much fits well with my lifestyle.

The site should was down for most of yesterday (they call this phenomenon lifehacker'd, but when it came back on I downloaded and printed out the PDF complete plan.

There is an initial test before you get started. This helps to determine the level of difficulty that you are about to embark on. The training itself has 3 levels, based on where you ranked on the initial test.

Rank 1: 0-5 push ups
Rank 2: 6-14 push ups
Rank 3: 15-29 push ups
Rank 4: 30-49 push ups
Rank 5: 50-99 push ups
Rank 6: 100-150 push ups
Rank 7: 150 & above

It's also broken down by age. Less than 40, between 40 and 55, and above 55. The above scale is for anyone under 40. I guess if you're at rank 5 or higher, you don't really need this training thing at all. I fell into Rank 1, managing just 4 push ups in one go. I haven't worked out seriously since 2000 back in Ottawa, so although getting 4 seemed low, I think it sounds just about right. My arms are much smaller than those days, and I'm also about 15 pounds heavier.

They said that most people fall between Ranks 2 and 3 and not to be discouraged by your rank, because the training will put everyone on an even playing field. They also say it's important you don't cheat or cut corners because it'll just mean you will fail when you go through the training. Push ups are all about the right form, if you don't have the right form you could just be wasting your time, not to mention endangering yourself to injuries.

I plan to start the program tonight.

Response

My hands have been literally shaking and my heart has been pounding as I typed this up. I really do feel awful about this. It's not the first time I've gotten in trouble for blogging, but for something that's so close to my heart, it's pretty devastating in my opinion.

I'd like to apologize and respond to a recent comment made to a post I wrote about a year ago, regarding one of the journey entries about my trip to Longlac in 2007.

What had happened was I had posted my thoughts and feelings about something that had happened on one of the evenings and those comments offended some people. Well .... given that it's readily and available on the internet, I likely offended more than just a few people.

I'd like to apologize. What was said was not only insensitive, but it gave the perception that I was "better" than the people I was describing, and that could not be further from the truth.

First of all I just wanted to say that these things that I post here are solely of my opinion only -- I don't represent other people and therefore if anyone is still angry, that anger should only be directed at me. I say a lot of dumb things.. it happens.

My post regarding my experiences in Longlac -- particularly the one about the incident at the church. In that post I described some kids as "demon-possessed". I didn't mean to imply that the children were actually demon-possessed, it was more that I was scared, and my post was a reactionary "in the heat of the moment" description of the events that took place.

I want to apologize for hurting anyone's feelings and for conveying a negative message.

I also wanted everyone to know that I've taken down all of my Longlac sharing blogs to ensure that no one else will read them and get the wrong idea about the people of Longlac, and both reserves.

One of the #1 questions I get about Longlac is why I keep going back every year. If I like kids, why not just work the inner-city Toronto kids? If I like missions, why not travel overseas? Why go back to Longlac each year?

The thing about Longlac, the honest truth.. is that I love the kids there. Maybe it sounds a little selfish but I love spending time with the kids, playing games and just talking to them. It's such a joy to be amongst them and I feel blessed for being part of their lives, and I hope that some day they feel the same way about me. The best thing of all is going back each year and recognizing faces.. and I get such a thrill when some of them remember me.

With these recent events coming into light, it pains me even more that I'm not going this year. It was a difficult enough decision to begin with, and now it pains me that I miss out on the opportunity to apologize in person and to show how much these people mean to me.

Again just to reiterate, I'm truly sorry for the things I said. I know that this response probably isn't enough to heal hurt feelings, I only hope that in time, you will forgive me.

White bred

Here is a self-portrait.

Let me tell you a story, it's not something I'm particularly proud of, call it a moment of weakness.. but it is what it is.

This never would have happened if my co-worker hadn't ditched me. We were supposed to go to Burger King for the fish burger deal, but at lunch time I poked my head out of my cubicle to find that he had already left. So I went down to BK myself, but halfway there I had a craving for Bourbon St Grill.

Bourbon St Grill is a food court restaurant that has huge portions, relatively cheap and huge portions. Did I mention huge portions? I ordered the same thing I always get, the blackened fish with green beans on steamed rice. The fish is to die for, and the beans.. I've tried to make them but I can't figure it out. Somehow it's soggy the way I like them, but also crunchy the way I like them. And juicy. They're perfect. Their rice leaves much to be desired though, it's sort of this hard, non-sticky kind.

I stood in line and ordered, and then to my delight I found I had perfect amount of change to pay $21.54 so I could get $15 back in bills. Love it when that happens.. anyway I grabbed a handful of sauce packets, plastic cutlery and headed back to the office.

So anyway I was sitting there eating my lunch when I noticed I'd picked up some a packet of soy sauce amongst the packets I usually get (plum sauce, hot sauce). And that is when it happened.

With all the hard chewy rice, I wondered how this would taste with some soy sauce.. Right away my conscience spoke up ---

"Thinking about putting soy sauce in your rice?! What are you, a WHITE boy?"

I shook my head at the thought and continued eating. But the rice was really hard.

"Don't you DARE! BRIAN -- Stop this at once! Don't even think about it!!"

But I couldn't help it. In my mind I was already reaching towards the little packet. I was finding the rice hard to swallow, nearly choking on it. If I put some soy sauce, it might be easier to eat, I thought. Plus it would add some flavor.. The thought crept back into my head while I tried to resist the temptation to commit the unfathomable.

Finally, I stopped eating. I put down my chopsticks and looked around to make sure no one was looking. When the coast was clear, I tore into the soy sauce. I splashed it around in the rice, cackling with an evil but sinister super villainous laugh. It was like one of those homicidal pyromaniacs who splash gasoline all over their victims in the movies, before they light them on fire. All the while being extremely cautious as to not attract any attention, of course. Then I stirred furiously and, in a matter of seconds, my white rice was now brownish. I had done it.

I had mixed soy sauce into my rice, and somewhere, in the great beyond or perhaps underground, an old chinese man rolled over in his grave.

The lap of luxury

I saw this Dinner in the Sky thing on Breakfast Television this morning. It looks fun and all, but COME ON people.. is this really necessary? Do we have so much money that we need to blow it on something like this? I mean really??

Can you think of a better way to say F*** YOU to all the starving kids in the world, than this? Not only do we have more food than you, we are EATING it up in the SKY. Are we so bored that we need to be entertained this way? Yup, we're so well-off and spoiled that we're paying the big bucks, so we can be lifted into the sky and eat up there, hang out feet off the ledge -- cuz hey, we're rich and you're not!

Mangosteen: Gross

Finally got my hands on a pair of mangosteen. According to wikipedia, it's supposed to be one of those "super fruits", with tons of anti-oxidants and other kinds of goodness.

One thing they forgot to leave out was how gross they taste. For $6.49/lb, I would recommend sticking with blueberries.

RB with a new QB

Someone asked me whether or not I thought Green Bay Packers running back Ryan Grant could repeat his amazing rookie breakout performances this season without Brett Favre. That's big question because without Favre they're going with Aaron Rodgers, who has never started in his career. Being thrusted in this type of role will be a huge responsibility. I don't know about Rodgers but personally I'm not too worried about Grant. I have him in one of my keeper leagues as my #3 RB behind Steven Jackson and Maurice Jones-Drew although I'd argue Grant could be my 2nd best guy.

I'm sure many other fantasy owners are wondering whether opponents will just stack the line and stop Grant, forcing Rodgers to win games with his arm and hope he makes tons of rookie mistakes. I won't disagree that Rodgers has to be half-decent for Grant to have a great year, but I don't think it's reason to downgrade Grant.

Grant became the main ball carrier for Green Bay starting week 8, and amassed 1048 yards (929 rushing) and 8 touchdowns in that span. He did that in 10 games. This means he averaged 104.8 yards (93 rushing) and 0.8 touchdowns per game as a starter.

Over a 16 game span, Grant would have had 1677 total yards and 13 touchdowns. That's pretty good for a rookie.

In the past there have been several RBs who not only performed well despite a rookie quarterback taking over, they did exceptionally well -- some of them turned in career bests. Marshall Faulk was huge in Peyton Manning's first year. (I'm not comparing Aaron Rodgers to Peyton Manning, so take a chill pill.). Hold your breath, there's more -- Antowain Smith had his best season playing for the Pats in Tom Brady's first season. In Phillip Rivers' first season as starting quarterback, LaDainian Tomlinson had his best career as a professional football player. Frank Gore had his best season in Alex Smith's first full season as a starter -- in fact if you count Smith's starts in 2005, Gore career pretty much took off the same time as Smith's did. I don't know if you remember this far back but Duce Staley had a pretty nice year til he got hurt, and Jerome Bettis was so good in relief he made it to the Pro Bowl, his first time in 3 years. That was in Ben Roethlisberger's first season. In Tony Romo's first season 2006, that was the year Marion Barber broke out for 14 TDs. Heck, even when Kyle Boller took over as starter in Baltimore in 2003, Jamal Lewis had his best year ever as pro.

I've included average QBs such as Kyle Boller, Alex Smith, Tom Brady (just kidding!) to prove that Aaron Rodgers doesn't need to be a superstar quarterback for Grant to succeed.

The only guys I can think of where a young quarterback took over for a team and the RB sucked was Jay Cutler (no notable breakout for any RB in Denver), Matt Schaub (TJ Duckett and Warrick Dunn, neither had a huge breakout season).

As long as Aaron Rodgers doesn't turn out as bad as Cutler or Schaub (two guys who aren't necessarily bad QBs as they just didn't have good runningbacks), I think Grant is going to be just fine. And you can only assume that Rodgers will get better or they'll get a better QB. Packers fans simply won't stand for years of mediocrity at QB (see Baltimore, Miami for details,).

Demanding excellence

We are now a couple of years removed from the Raptors initial "break-out" season when we won 47 games. Sam Mitchell won coach of the year, Bryan Colangelo won Executive of the Year. We had a 20 win turnaround. A couple of years ago, if you had told me we would win 41 games, I would have been stoked but now I think it's only fair to say that I have higher expectations of this team. No longer is "making the playoffs" a hope, but rather an expectation. I want to see this team win a series or two. I want the team to be built to win championships.

After watching a handful of high-caliber playoff games between teams that were built to win championships, it's clear to me that our team is severely lacking in several areas. This isn't just about adding an athletic wing, or bringing in a good defensive rebounding big man.

Our team can shoot but we can't defend, and maybe it worked for the Phoenix Suns, but I think it's more of a case that they are the anomaly. Many teams have tried to build their teams like the Suns, and all have failed. In fact, the Suns themselves abandoned their approach because it was clearly not working.

Starting from the shortest and working our way up, here's a realistic look at the Toronto Raptors and just how we match up with other playoff teams and championship teams:

PG

It is looking more and more like the Raptors are planning to commit to Jose Calderon as their future starting point guard. At times Jose has looked like one of the most efficient point guards in the league. He rarely turns over the ball, and makes great passes to open teammates. He has great court vision, and is becoming and expert in pick-and-roll situations. He can hit open shots, although he still need to work on hitting those do-or-die big shots.

The question is, where does Jose stand amongst some of his perennially successful peers? Where does he stand amongst his fellow point guards, those who are playoff contenders? Would Jose Calderon start ahead of: Chauncey Billups, Derek Fisher, Tony Parker, Rajon Rondo? Probably not. Fisher is far more composed and takes big shots when his team needs them. Rondo is a far better defender than Calderon, and is quicker and longer. He's also almost as good at taking care of the ball as Jose.

What about those eliminated earlier: Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Steve Nash, Gilbert Arenas, Jason Kidd, Mike Bibby, Andre Miller, Jameer Nelson, Rafer Alston, Allen Iverson, Damon Jones. Okay, you can make a case for Calderon over a few of these guys -- Jones, Kidd (at his spry 523 years of age), Nelson (although he outplayed Calderon in this years' playoffs). But the point is, as a defensive liability, Jose is not amongst the top guys, and would be lucky to crack even the top 10.

SG

Couple years ago I thought Anthony Parker was a great addition to the team. I still do, but do I think he's the answer? Having watched Mo Pete all these years, he was a big upgrade due to his consistent shooting, and solid defense. He's easily our best one-on-one defender. Fast forward to present day, yes, he's still a solid player, but if you compare him to other shooting guards, how good is he? He's reached his peak and is on his way down. He's a bit of a glue guy, like a poor man's Shane Battier but older (turning 33 in a week), smaller, weaker, and slower. How does he compare to the guards in contending teams?

Would he start ahead of Kobe Bryant, Ray Allen, Richard Hamilton, Manu Ginobili? What about Tracy McGrady, Ronnie Brewer, Keith Bogans, Joe Johnson, Raja Bell, Jason Terry, DeShawn Stevenson, Willie Green, Delonte West, J.R. Smith, Morris Peterson? I would put him somewhere in the middle of the latter group, which puts him in similar territory as Calderon. If you include non-playoff SGs, he falls out of the top 10.

So far our starting backcourt ranks around 10th in the league.

SF

Our starting small forward is long, athletic and but raw. He can defend at times, but is better as a help than the first guy one-on-one defender. Great leaping ability gives him the ability to block shots, but most of the time he fails in this because he doesn't have the smarts to be in the right position at the right time. Settles for jump shots despite athleticism that enables him to drive and hit higher percentage shots. We often find him missing his man, and has been criticizing for not taking the game seriously enough. Sounds familiar, huh?

Jamario Moon is a rookie, but he's also 27 years old so that eliminates the upside. He's our starting small forward and I'd venture to say that he likely doesn't start on 95% of the teams in the league.

Comparing him to the top small forwards in the league, you see right away where Toronto needs the most help in. Tayshaun Prince, Paul Pierce, Lamar Odom, Bruce Bowen. No comparison. What about Rashard Lewis, Josh Childress, Caron Butler, Andre Iguodala, Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, Josh Howard, Peja Stojakovic, Kyle Korver, Boris Diaw, Shane Battier. Where does Moon rank? #16 and only because we made the playoffs. I can think of a few other guys better than him who didn't make the playoffs -- Gerald Wallace, Rudy Gay, Ron Artest, Vince Carter, Luol Deng just to name a few. The reality is that he is one of the worst starting SFs in the entire league.

PF

Chris Bosh is our only feature player. Some teams have 2-3 star players. We have 1. The power forward position is likely the only position where I can honestly say we have one of the top guys available. While every other position is questionable, at PF I am happy.

Amongst the best teams - Vladimir Radmanovic (Pau Gasol if Bynum were healthy), Rasheed Wallace, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett. Some argument can be made that Bosh deserves to be mentioned amongst these guys. David West, Dirk Nowitzki, Kenyon Martin, Reggie Evans, Joe Smith, Amare Stoudamire, Carlos Boozer, Luis Scola, Josh Smith, Antawn Jamison, Hedo Turkoglu. Bosh is definitely amongst these guys. Some of them are better rebounders but they can't score like Bosh can. He has an uncanny ability to take it to the rack and draw the foul, something I believe he needs to do a whole lot more rather than settle for jump shots. There aren't many big men with his free throw shooting ability.

At PF we're right around 7th or 8th overall.

C

Despite approximately $20M invested in big men to play the center position, we do not have a single guy who is the #1 clear-cut starter and this very unfortunate. Bargnani has gotten considerable time here because he needs the time to learn to play the position. Rasho performed great for us down the stretch in the regular season, but as he's done throughout his career, he completely disappeared in the playoffs.

However, all is not lost. If history has proven anything, you don't need a big time center to win championships unless his name is Shaquille O'Neal (and he's not 150 years old).

Looking at the top teams' big man position, Antonio McDyess, Kendrick Perkins, Pau Gasol (or Andrew Bynum), Fabricio Oberto all shed some light on just how badly a great C is needed. Al Horford, Dwight Howard, Samuel Dalembert, Brendan Haywood, Shaquille O'Neal, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Tyson Chandler, Dikembe Mutombo (Yao Ming), Erick Dampier, Marcus Camby, Mehmet Okur. All these guys are hands down better than any of ours. But if there's something we can take from this listing is that none of these guys are required to be the highest scoring player on their respective teams, and that the worst rebounder was Erick Dampier at 4.2 rebounds per game.

Our highest rebounding C in the playoffs was Rasho Nesterovic at 2.6.

Amongst the centers in the league, the Raptors are amongst the worst, and dead last amongst their playoff counterparts.

You can forget about bench. Starters play approximately 80% of the minutes, so even with a great bench, you're only winning 20% of the time. Certainly a bench helps, but this should not be a concern until after you've establish your championship calibre starting squad.

The Raptors have a long, long way to go.

New blog

Ina and I have started a new blog to document our life together. We're co-authors of it, so from time to time we'll post there. As we feel that God united us to be a couple to live out the rest of our lives, we've aptly named it "United to Live".

I will likely continue this blog, but if history and experience has anything to say about this, the likelihood of maintaining two blogs is not high.

To join us on our new journey:

http://united2live.blogspot.com

3 days remain

Many of you are probably wondering, "How the heck does he have time to blog with 3 days remaining?". Well, I took only a half day off today, it's my last day at work.. well, last morning and I've got absolutely nothing to do. I've already set up my email and phone so I won't even attempt to do any more work today. I'm just sitting here checking my email (personal) and looking up on MEC some of the neato things I could buy when I go there in a bit.

I'm pretty excited. There are still some daunting things, like speeches and not screwing up on the vows, but otherwise we are down to the home stretch. Ina and I are so ready to get married that we wish it were already finished. There's still a lot to do but there's no more looking back. Pastor Vic gave us some good advice: If you get 80% of what you wanted that day, you were lucky.

Something that dawned on me a few days ago, was how will I keep up with my newsreader? When I get back from the honeymoon, that'll be nearly 3 weeks after the last time I read news.. there's gonna be over 2000+ items for me to catch up on! Yikes!!

Timbits

I heard in the news that a single mother of four was fired from her job at Tim Horton's for giving away a 16-cent Timbit to a small child. At first you hear this story and you think her boss is an idiot. I mean, the Timbit (which is a donut hole, by the way) is only worth 16 cents, and secondly she gave it to a cute little kid. So you're reading this story and thinking this boss person is a ruthless tyrant. Then you hear that upper management of Tim Horton's gives this lady her job back. Yay, you think. Stick it to the man!

But upon reviewing it further, were they right to fire her in the first place? There are several factors involved here.

First off, is it company policy to fire an employee for giving away their merchandise? If you went into a shoe store and an employee gave you a shoe for free, wouldn't that employee get fired? The 16 cent Timbit might not be the issue -- maybe Tim Hortons has a policy of firing their employees when they give things away for free.

Secondly, do we know the entire story? Maybe this lady was a bad employee to begin with. Maybe she shows up to work late every day, and this little Timbit escapade finally broke the straw on the camel's back. Maybe she ticked off her boss for several other things that led to the firing. Maybe this wasn't first time she'd given something away.

Third, the entire store is a little too.. sensational. Tim Horton's would never have had to re-hire this lady if the story hadn't gotten so much publicity. What if this story had been about a high school dropout working at the store, or some older dude, like a child-molester who had just been granted parole? Would it have gotten as much attention? What if instead of a Timbit, it had been a bottle of pop, or a dozen donuts? Would such a story have the legs to go national the way the original story went? I bet it wouldn't have even made the local news.

9 days remain

Barf alert!

On Tuesday, Ina and I went to our last "marriage counselling" class. Technically it was really just to go iron out the final details of the marriage procession. Anyway, on the way there we had dinner at Ajisen, one of Ina's favorite Ramen places. After which we were both craving dessert so we walked over to T&T and bought some popsicles.

Then we walked back to our cars (we came seperately) while eating these totally awesome 50 cent lichee popsicles. As we drove to the church, I followed her of course otherwise I'd get lost. At every red light Ina would blow kisses at me through her rear-view mirror, and show me how much popsicle she had left. And then I'd blow her a kiss and she'd act like she was catching them. It was totally awesome.

It was at this time that it dawned on me, one of the many purposes God had for me, this was one of them. To be a loving husband. It was just at one of these red lights that I realized how much I love Ina and how great our lives are going to be together as a married couple. It's like I was born for this.

Hey, it's not like I didn't warn you about the barfing..

Losing Chuck Swirsky

When the Toronto Raptors lost in the first round of the NBA Playoffs, that I could swallow. The Orlando Magic are a better team, so it was expected that we'd lose. Besides it wasn't a total loss -- we gained more playoff experience, Sam Mitchell discovered Jason Kapono was actually good -- a lesson I hope he remembers when next season begins.

What I do find hard to swallow is the loss of Chuck Swirsky, the Raptors' color commentator. This is a devastating loss to the Toronto Raptors, the organization, the city and the fans. It is one thing to have a person who comments on the games, it is another to have the type of class-act that Chuck Swirsky is, as a man, as an ambassador to the game, as a fan. Chuck was often criticized for being a homer, someone who said things about the Raptors that a professional like himself should never say. He voted Andrea Bargnani as rookie of the year, even though every single voter voted for Brandon Roy. He was the only man to vote for Bargnani.

But say what you will, broadcasts without Chuck Swirsky will never be the same again. To have that kind of chemistry is difficult enough, but to find a man who loves our city and our team as much as Chuck does, that will be irreplaceable.

His shoes will be tough to fill.

11 days remain

About a week ago, I started noticing a droning sound around my office. Like a constant humming reminiscent of the sound you hear when you're on an airplane. I thought this had something to do with the air conditioning, but I noticed I could still hear it in the hallway, in the foyer, and even in the elevators. This spread into my daily walk home, on the subway, in my building elevators, in my home. Dinner time is weird when people are talking to you and you are trying to make out what they're saying over the sound of a 747 turbine engine going off in the background.

It also feels like I'm underwater sometimes, where everything is just muted. It's been off and on. There are times my hearing is absolutely completely normal.

I also found that when I wake up initially from bed, everything is fine. It doesn't happen until I'm at work and then for the rest of the day pretty much. I wonder if I cleaned my ear too much and now it's sensitive to sounds, or changes in air pressure.

Right now there is no feelings at all, just normal. And I'm at work.

12 days remain

Thanks to those of you who read my annoying wedding related questions blog and came up to me and asked me those very questions -- very funny.

Well, we're really coming up on it now, just 12 days to go. Ina and I are just about ready to take the plunge, my mom and dad are both in town now and I've been getting tons of "expert" advice. Work is starting to wind down just enough to give me a little space so things are generally good. There are still some little things left that I know I need to do but also that I continue to put off.

When I was young, I would try to imagine what life would be like if I were married, or had kids. But I just couldn't picture it. I have quite an imagination, and can think up some pretty crazy things, and when I was little I used to imagine myself as a rock star, or war hero or spy. I could run around the living room with an entire battlefield drawn out and imagine myself running around shooting and dodging bullets. But one thing I couldn't imagine was what my future would hold. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to one day get married, or to raise my own family. It always felt so far away and I couldn't grasp that thought in my mind. There were probably times in my life that I thought it would never even happen, let alone trying to imagine it all.

Now, less than two weeks away I can finally see it.

18 days remain

On a more serious note, I think I have been losing sleep over this so I'll blog about it. After booking all my vacation days for various things such as days leading up to the wedding, the honeymoon itself and Christmas holidays, I found that I only had 3 days of vacation days remaining.

This is something that Ina and I have been praying about, which is what to do with these remaining days. As most of you know, for the last 3 years I've been going up north to Longlac, to spend a week or two with a native reserve to help out and work with the children there. It's something that is important to me. I know that there have been people who would skip a year because of something big (like a wedding), but I also know people have gone out of there way to go even if it was a big problem (like last year Daniel going 2 weeks before Maki was due).

Something that I always wanted to make sure was that I didn't allow my personal life to get in the way of my ministries, these two things should either work hand-in-hand, or that Christ should take precedence. But lately I've also been thinking maybe I just want to be selfish and take some time for me, for a change. I'd like to think I earned these vacation days, and I keep spending them on others... when is it my turn? And is it wrong to think this way? Don't I deserve to have some fun too?

An added kink to all of this is that Ina will actually be out of town for the month of July on various business trips, so even if I stayed home she wouldn't be there. Although I would rather take a Friday off here and there and then fly out to see her for the weekend.

Lately I've just been feeling like my heart isn't in it. Like I just don't want to take on anything right now, just want a break. Longlac just seems like something a long way off. At Ishskwaday, although it was a good time and all, I felt a little alienated like an outsider looking in even though I was one of the organizers.

Anyhow, the deadline to sign up is tomorrow.

19 days remain

As our wedding day approaches, one of the things I've really gotten tired is the questions people ask us. It's the same questions over and over again. As the wedding nears, they come more and more frequent. Another I noticed was that work has really eased up.. I guess they know it's a stressful time. Anyway, here the list of questions we keep getting:

"How's the wedding planning coming along?"
"When is it again?"
"Wow, only __ more weeks. Are you excited?"
"Are you ready?"
"Where will you be living?"
"Your parents must be really excited?"
"Who am I sitting with?"

Rinse and repeat, these questions are coming at a rapid pace and I'm totally sick of it. It's almost like you know the question is coming when you run into pretty much anyone. And, after talking to some friends in other stages of life, the sad reality is that after the wedding, there will probably be a whole different set of questions..