On Saturday at 6:30am, I was sitting there in a circle with the rest of the Ishskwaday committee members, and we were sharing about each of our spiritual walks, how we felt Ishskwaday fits into the grand scheme of things, and what it means to us.
It was to me kind of a rude awakening of sorts. We've been going pretty much full on over the past 3 months, meeting every other week and taking care of business as business needs to be taken care of. Promotional kits had gone out to various churches who were interested in promoting the conference, marketing was being done. The website was ready, the video finished. Some of the speakers had been contacted and contracts were being drawn up.
But then we all kind of realized that although we were going full on.. was God with us? So for this week, we all kind of reflected on this and didn't do any administration stuff at all.
What was revealed to me after a bit of reflection, is that I'm totally bogged down by the busyness of life. Spiritually, I am near my wits end, the bottom of the barrel. I think the biggest thing for me has just been that I haven't given God the time of day. I'm stretched thin in different areas serving God, but not experiencing God. I've got this mindset of wanting to help people, but deep down I should be helping myself.
You know it's like you believe in something so strongly, but after awhile you lose sight of it. It's still there, still a goal you strive for, but the meaning behind it is lost.