February 28, 2005

Raptors 108, Lakers 102

Thanks to Uncle Kenric, we finally found 2 people to take the extra two tickets I had for the Raptors-Lakers game. We ended up taking Chris and Stan.

The game itself was good. We were up for most of the game until near the end when Kobe took over the game (what else is new?) and the Lakers came from behind and almost stole the game from us. I drew a little bit of ire from Chris because I kept cheering whenever Kobe scored. Kobe is amazing. I like his sheer determination and his ability to rise to the occasion when needed. And he makes some near impossible shots look easy. It's always a pleasure to someone like that play — 19,799 people also agreed with me; it was the 5th sell-out game of the year. Luckily for us Kobe was the only Laker playing well for us his drive wasn't enough and we still won the game.

What made it more fun, was the added bonus that we were babysitting two kids. One of them (Stan) was quiet, but the other one (Chris) had a very inquisitive mind. He was asking so many questions, and pointing things out to me throughout the game all matter-of-factly. I love kids. He was noticing every single pattern he could, whether it was the colors on a billboard ad, numbers on the rafters or jerseys, the score, etc.

Also I found that kids don't like to hold things. Or rather, "mom" holds everything, and they're used to it. One line I heard over and over all afternoon was "can you hold this?". Haha.. a jacket, a hat, candy, ticket, etc etc. Kids like to have their hands available so they can freely grab onto things and touch things. And boys like to compete on how high they can jump, how fast they can run, etc. I really reminded me of my childhood and times when me and my brother were little and did the exact same stuff.



oscar notes

I felt that Chris Rock held back on his jokes, forcing himself to be conservative so as to not offend the viewers. I think it's unfair to limit a comedian from doing what he does best and then expect him to perform well. I doubt he'll be back next year.

Beyonce can sing. I think she outsang Josh Groban. I mean sure she's also thicker than he is, but still..

I saw The Aviator just after watching the Raptors game so I pretty much knew where each award would go. The only surprise of the night was Clint Eastwood winning Best Director (more on this later).

I think it is a shame and a waste that an important film like Hotel Rwanda didn't get any recognition last night.

Oscar Rant

I've got nothing against Clint Eastwood. I think he's a cool guy who garners a lot of respect because he has been in the business for so long and because he is one of the few remaining Hollywood stars left from the older generation. But something bothers me about him winning it.

Everyone actor who has worked with Clint always talks about how he gives his actors free reign on how and what they should do, giving them their creative space, letting them do what they want and think they should do. To me, that sounds like he doesn't do a whole lot of directing. When they gave the lifetime achievement award to Sidney Lumet in directing, all everyone said was how he was very precise, how he would tell each person how to act, where to stand, how their character should behave. Seems to me that *that's* what DIRECTION means.

But Clint Eastwood has made some pretty good movies, so you wonder, how does a guy direct good movies when he doesn't "direct" at all? Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River, Bridges of Madison County, Unforgiven. What do these movies all have in common? How about: Morgan Freeman, Hillary Swank, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Meryl Streep, Gene Hackman. Aside from Hillary Swank (who now has 2 oscars out of two nominations) all these people are some of the best in the business.

Phil Jackson is considered to be a great NBA coach. All he does is win. But the biggest knock on him is that he coaches teams that *should* win. Is that really coaching? Many people wonder.

To me, Clint takes a group of actors who *should* win, and wins. Take a look at some of his not-so-good movies: Blood Work, True Crime, A Perfect World, The Rookie. James Woods, Dennis Leary, Kevin Costner, Charlie Sheen, Jeff Daniels.

This is why Phil Jackson shouldn't and won't take over for the Knicks next season.

February 26, 2005


Tonight a talented friend celebrated his 30th birthday by performing in a concert and invited all of his friends. The performance was, needless to say, amazing. I always knew he was good just by listening to him sing when he led worship or special music during Sunday service. Or the fact that he's asked to play for just about everyone I know's wedding. But tonight he exceeded all my expectations. He showed off his range and his creativity.. he switched from moods and (I thought) took hold of the audience and helped us to *feel* the songs. It was truly a night to remember. Most of all he had fun out there and brought a smile to my face through the entire night. After all of it you kind of just exhale and say "wow".

So afterwards I run into some old faces and someone asks me, "So Brian, when's your concert?". Pfft.. right. Concert of what... farting? Besides, it's a long ways away (since I still get carded at some places, I'm going to say it's 10 years away and you'll just have to believe me). As I drove home tonight, I thought about where I'd be when I was 30. I suppose that if you asked me this question 7 years ago, I would've told you that by 30 I'd be married and my second child would be on his way.

But.. life is what it is. Anyway, these are some of the ideas that popped into my head, at age 30, what I'd be doing:

  • Sitting at my desk blogging about where I wish I could be instead
  • Living in a tiny hut in the wilderness; maybe even on the moon
  • Might be dead by then, and the rate I'm going with fast food
  • Dying (see above)
  • George Costanza: Single, bald, living with my parents
  • Married: Mail-order bride, anyone? [It's a form of evangelism!]
  • Back in school?

  • And that's all I have to say about that.

    Ups and Downs

    Sometimes I feel like I'm helplessly stuck in a hole and am being prevented from being myself. I'm in this reclused shell of my former self. I don't know if it's self-imposed or not, but I feel like I've gone down the deep end of anti-socialness. It feels like a part of me is missing.

    Then the next day, I'm totally upbeat and happy.

    And it keeps going like this, a few days good, a few days bad. A few days sad, a few days glad. Boy I'm moody these days..

    Last call for Lakers tickets.. 2 available, tomorrow afternoon 1pm, row 9. Come sit with us! $15 for a free slice of pizza and an afternoon of fun fun fun!

    February 25, 2005


    I am totally, totally out of the loop. I miss you MSN.. I miss you so much.

    I forgot to turn on my cell for the past few days, so with that I've been pretty much unreachable lately. It's almost as if I really am on the moon, (which I am, of course). The weather here is very nice :)

    This week has felt so long for me. Days usually fly by but this week they've slowed down to a halt. I'm so bored at work. Also after having slept almost all of Tuesday, I am so energetic now that I get restless really easily, and my metabolism is going nuts, I'm hungry almost all the time. Crazy.

    feeling out of place

    There's been times in the last couple of weeks that I've considered leaving this job because I feel like it's not going anywhere and that I'd rather be doing something else. But until I figure out what that "else" is, it'd be silly to just leave. I went onto the United Nations (got this idea after watching Hotel Rwanda) site yesterday looking for jobs. There were a few IT postings for Damascus. But that's Syria.. a political and terrorist hotbed. Can't be very safe there.. heh.

    It was around this time last year, during MissionFest that I developed my first real "inkling" to go on a missions trip to India. Why India? I don't really konw what drew me to India as opposed to other countries. I think it was because at the time I was still hanging out with my classmates, and half of them were Indian/Pakistani, (the rest are chinese). It's pretty much a split at work too, either brown or yellow.


    For that reason I guess, and the fact that MissionFest is back on its way again, I have been looking to the Good Book for answers. I started about 2 years ago, planned to read it from cover to cover. I stopped. About 1.5 years ago. Heh. Well I've started again, reading the bible while on the subway. Since I am so energetic these it has been easy, reading without falling asleep. Actually it's so much that I'm hyper but that I just can't sleep. Sometimes I'm tired and I just can't sleep. Stuff on my mind I guess.

    Even though the stuff I've been reading (1 Samuel right now) is mostly storybook stuff, I feel comfort reading His word. The words kind of leap off the pages and before I know I feel like I'm right there on the battle field, the shield guy for Jonathan, following him around and slaying the Philistines. It's like a fantastic adventure!

    And I hear "Ding, ding, ding..." *Dangnabbit*, it's my stop, time for work. :|

    February 24, 2005


    I am totally, totally out of the loop. I miss you MSN.. I miss you so much.

    I forgot to turn on my cell for the past few days, so with that I've been pretty much unreachable lately. It's almost as if I really am on the moon, (which I am, of course). The weather here is very nice :)

    This week has felt so long for me. Days usually fly by but this week they've slowed down to a halt. I'm so bored at work. Also after having slept almost all of Tuesday, I am so energetic now that I get restless really easily, and my metabolism is going nuts, I'm hungry almost all the time. Crazy.

    feeling out of place

    There's been times in the last couple of weeks that I've considered leaving this job because I feel like it's not going anywhere and that I'd rather be doing something else. But until I figure out what that "else" is, it'd be silly to just leave. I went onto the United Nations (got this idea after watching Hotel Rwanda) site yesterday looking for jobs. There were a few IT postings for Damascus. But that's Syria.. a political and terrorist hotbed. Can't be very safe there.. heh.

    It was around this time last year, during MissionFest that I developed my first real "inkling" to go on a missions trip to India. Why India? I don't really konw what drew me to India as opposed to other countries. I think it was because at the time I was still hanging out with my classmates, and half of them were Indian/Pakistani, (the rest are chinese). It's pretty much a split at work too, either brown or yellow.


    For that reason I guess, and the fact that MissionFest is back on its way again, I have been looking to the Good Book for answers. I started about 2 years ago, planned to read it from cover to cover. I stopped. About 1.5 years ago. Heh. Well I've started again, reading the bible while on the subway. Since I am so energetic these it has been easy, reading without falling asleep. Actually it's so much that I'm hyper but that I just can't sleep. Sometimes I'm tired and I just can't sleep. Stuff on my mind I guess.

    Even though the stuff I've been reading (1 Samuel right now) is mostly storybook stuff, I feel comfort reading His word. The words kind of leap off the pages and before I know I feel like I'm right there on the battle field, the shield guy for Jonathan, following him around and slaying the Philistines. It's like a fantastic adventure!

    And I hear "Ding, ding, ding..." *Dangnabbit*, it's my stop, time for work. :|

    best actor

    The best actor in my books if you were to ask me today would have to be Don Cheadle from Hotel Rwanda. That was hands down the best performance that I've seen so far. Yes, Jamie Foxx was excellent in his impersonation of the late Ray Charles -- but Don Cheadle moved me. He moved me. All I need now is to watch Leo in Aviator to complete the set.

    Hotel Rwanda is an important film in acknowledging the unspeakable atrocities that occurred in Rwanda a decade ago. It was truly an eye-opener. I felt really depressed after watching it. It's kind of odd, how Rwanda was ignored and how the Tsunami victims get so much attention. It's such a contrast, one caused by nature, the other caused by hatred and evil. Both are tragedies, but which is sadder, a big wave wiping out half a country, or hatred/violence that leads to a massacre of half a country?

    big mistake

    Well, from the fantasy perspective this is a huge blow for my keeper league team. Although it does make my life a whole lot easier when it comes down to keeper decision time, it's a disaster too because I went from having the best fantasy receiver in the league down to just an average #3-5 guy. He's no longer a keeper in my opinion, at least compared to the guys I have. (My top 3 keepers will probably be Shaun Alexander, Willis McGahee, Julius Jones).

    In RL though, I think this is a big mistake for the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings are a high powered offense with one the most sorry excuses of a defense in the NFL. They now go from a high powered offense to an average offense, and barring a major draft coup, they will still come away with a below average defense. In otherwords, it's back to the drawing board for the Minnesota Vikings.

    You can at least make the playoffs if you have no defense and a strong offense. But now with neither one, the Vikings are toast. I can't understand this trade at all. It's going to be a very long season for the Vikings.

    February 23, 2005


    Feel like wasting time? Check this out!

    February 20, 2005

    sure? ...unsure!

    I feel tired. Not like sleepy tired. Just tired of this. Not blogging.. just *this*.

    I really wanted to jam because I felt like I need some sort of a release.. to let go of things and let the Spirit transcend over me and bring me peace. Sometimes you just *need* to jam. This was one of those nights.

    Unfortunately it didn't happen due to the inclimate weather. Instead I spent most of the night on the phone and watching the all-star game (which was pretty entertaining btw). I discovered something today. When my cellphone battery is down to 3/4 bars of battery, it has approximately 1hr:15mins left of life. Also, it gets REALLY hot if I used it for more than 30 minutes.

    I can't remember the last time I spent that long on the phone having a real conversation with someone. This whole Lent thing is driving me nuts, but it was really great to talk to a human being instead of staring at a bunch of text on a screen.

    no regrets

    Basically what happened, is I did something that I pretty much set my mind on not doing. I did the opposite of what I would normally do and just went for it. I seized my divine moment!

    It's kind of daunting, after seeing the amazing performance by today's worship team, the thought of me standing up there is both intimidating and scary. I'm not sure what came over me on Friday when Yee Lee called asking me about whether I was moving or not, and I just blurted out to her that I'd help her with worship, even though I had already told her that I wouldn't.

    It's like.. something just took hold of me, wiped away my inhibitions and took over my body. And I said: "No, I am NOT moving, and by the way, I'm going to sing for you on Sunday." Who said that?! And even though I still had doubts seconds after I hung up the phone, I felt this reassurance (more like ridicule) coming from God, who was saying "What are you worried about?".

    [At the end of the day] it's not about me.

    If There's One Thing - Tim Hughes

    You call us first to love Your name, to worship You
    To please Your heart, Our one desire Oh Lord

    If there’s one thing we are called to do
    It's to love You, to adore You
    We will bring our all and worship You
    Bow before You, as we love You

    Your honor Lord, Your name's renowned
    We long to see
    So let the glory of Your name be praised

    I will celebrate this love
    Jesus You are everything to me
    Furthermore Lord what can I do?
    I will give this heart, this life to You

    February 19, 2005

    good one

    My brother came up with this one:

    Q: If this object is worn and falling apart, it's usually owned by someone who is not. What is this object?

    Very clever.

    Since I'm not MSN these days: Darryl.. I wish you were here!


    First off, I wrote that comical piece to describe how I was feeling that day. I hope it's clear to everyone that I am *not* moving. Yeesh. I know now that if I ever DO move, I need only post it here and news of it will spread rampantly to every single person I know. Once again: Yeesh!


    I'm tired. I sort of know how Kenric feels now except that I didn't have to work all day. My flight back from Vegas was delayed and so he woke up early to pick me up for nothing (thanks again). I did the exact same thing today because my mom's flight was also late. I guess the only real comparison is that normally Saturdays is the only day I can sleep in. Whereas Kenric was probably going to wake up fairly early since it was a work day anyway. Regardless, I'm grateful and exhausted.


    char is ill from apparent food poisoning and missed small group last night. Please pray for her. Char: I have the cd back if you want to borrow it (I Can Only Imagine).

    tim hughes

    I bought two cd's. One is "Here I Am To Worship" and the other is "When Silence Falls". So far I'm liking the first one more. Seems more playable and more upbeat. I like the song "If There's One Thing", I swear I've heard it before (pretty much all the songs on this album are like that.. very familiar).

    Both cd's will need more play before I can give a review but I'm pretty happy with my purchases.


    Funny thing happened today on the way to lunch. We were taking the elevator down (me, mom, grandma). Grandpa couldn't make it because his legs hurt when he walks. So anyway, we were heading down, and when it got to ground, me and my mom stepped out. Now if any of you have been to my building, you know that the elevator doors are a bit nutty. So anyway, we turn around and before grandma gets a chance to get out of the elevator, the door starts closing all you see is her face in this frown and she makes a hilarious whimpering sound.

    So now the elevator door closes, and me and my mom are bolting over to press the up/down buttons to call the elevator back. Well, that didn't work. We both watched helplessly as the elevator ascended, up to the 6th floor. It stopped, and then it came back down. *Phew*

    Doh! The door opens and 3 strangers step out, we look inside and there's no one inside! So we both take it up to the 6th and sure enough grandma is standing there in the hallway with this funny frightful look! Hahaha..

    los angeles lakers

    I have a pair of extra tickets to the Lakers vs. Raptors game on February 27, 2005 @ 1:00 pm. They are Section 318, Row 9, Seats 4 & 5. $15 a pop. The only downside to these tix are that you'll have to sit with me.

    February 18, 2005


    Goodness gracious.. people need to learn to RTFM. The "F" in this case, is FULL.

    etiquette lesson #2

    Today I saw a girl in the underground PATH that I knew, but I didn't say "hi" because I couldn't remember her name. But I remember now.. "Jessica". I guess it's too late now. Same thing yesterday, I saw another girl Cindy, I remembered her name that time, I said hi but I kept walking.

    (Hmm.. what are the odds I run into two people from S&YL's wedding party within 24 hours?)

    What is the proper ettiquette when you meet someone on the street? Is it enough to smile/nod and go on with my day, or am I expected to stop talk with them? If it is the latter, then I suppose everyone who has ever run into me has thought that I was a total jerk.

    The way I see it there are 3 possible exchanges between two people in passing.

    First with two guys:

    A: [raises eyebrow]
    B: [raises eyebrow while nodding]
    A: [nods]

    Guy sees girl:

    A: [eye contact]
    B: [eye contact, smile]
    A: [smile]


    A: "Hi there"
    B: "Hi!"
    A: "How are you?"
    B: "I'm fine thanks, how are you?"
    A: "Great"
    B: "That's good!"
    [conversation follows if he knows her well]

    OR if you're a jerk like me:

    A: [eye contact, smile]
    B: [smile] "Hi!"
    A: [half-smile] "Hi"
    [jerk walks away]

    Girl sees guy:

    A: [poke] "hey"
    B: "Oh, hello!"
    A: "How are you?"
    B: "Fine thanks, and you?"
    ...and so on.

    You need to look at it both ways though. Maybe that person is busy and
    doesn't have time to talk. Maybe they're in a rush to get somewhere, or
    are late for a meeting. Who am I to stand there and force them to waste
    their time on me? And it's not like I gave them a dirty look. I *did*
    smile. I made eye contact. That should be enough.

    A week ago I ran into Baun, an old highschool buddy of mine. We stopped, chatted for few minutes to see what was up with eachother. He had finished his bio degree and was taking film now. Pretty cool. We almost took down phone numbers but figured we'd just bump into eachother again (because we take the same paths home every day) so we went on our way.

    I think that was a pretty good exchange.

    February 17, 2005

    when things work out

    Isn't it great when things just work out? Today, things are going to finally work out for me. My mom's been bugging me about picking up a passport application form. I went down to the Staples downstairs to get it from the post office they have inside, but they'd run out. I have nothing left in the fridge for dinner. Yesterday the Raptors lost but scored enough that I can get a free slice of pizza from Pizza Pizza. But, there aren't any Pizza Pizza's near my home.

    Yesterday I got a notice in the mail for me to go to the post office to pick up a package. I think it's the two Tim Hughes cd's I ordered, though I could be wrong. Maybe it's a bomb or anthrax or something. [ebrian shrugs]

    So this is how it all fits together. It's the only post office near my place aside from the one in the Staples. With my mom flying in on Friday, I had to get the application ASAP. I have to go there anyway now because of the package. And to top it off, the nearest Pizza Pizza is right across the street from ... you guessed it —- the Post Office!

    Perfection..! At last.


    This is probably too short notice for everyone, but... I'm moving away.

    I've thought long and hard about this and I've decided that I'm going to move away from this place. The condo, the cushy job, fast-paced city life. I've even alluded it to some close friends but no one really took much notice. Toronto, it's been great living here for the last 25 years. But it's time to move on. My bags are packed (it's not like I had a whole to begin with) and the moving company has been booked. I will be gone in less than 2 days.

    To the people who will miss me or who's lives will be adversely affected by my absence: I do apologize but this has been a long time coming.

    Why the short notice. (Notice how I put this post as a sub-post to another) I dunno, in all honesty I wanted to give zero notice. I wanted to disappear like Matt Damon did in Good Will Hunting. You know what I mean -- when Ben Affleck comes over to pick him up as they do every day, and he finds that Matt has moved out without so much as a goodbye, and Ben just smiles to himself and while he's sad his friend is gone, he's happy that his pal has finally moved on with his life.

    That's how I'd like to think of it.

    Destination? I've given this the most thought. Moving away is one thing, but where to, that's the tricky part. The easiest thing would have been to move down to the US to live with my family, or out to the West Coast at least so I would be closer to them. But that would be too easy. I wanted to move somewhere that I'd have to learn a new language in order to communicate with the locals. Sometimes it's nice to be where "everybody knows your name", but I think I enjoy the solitude of being in a place where no one knows me. It'll be great. That's why I've decide to live on the moon.

    As Frank Sinatra once said: Fly me to the moon, and let me sing among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.


    February 16, 2005

    Oscars, cont'd

    I've seen a bunch of movies. Originally I thought I would put down a review for each of them and critique the acting and my analysis of everything. But it's too much. I've seen countless movies and I can't go back and do individual analysis' of each of them like I did with Collateral.

    Our goal (mine and Kenric's) was to watch all the movies or actors/actresses nominated for an Oscar. This includes best pictures, best directors, actors and actresses and best supporting actor/actresses. Here's my rankings so far, and "x" denotes movies/performances I haven't seen yet.

    Best Picture
    1. Million Dollar Baby
    2. Finding Neverland
    3. Ray
    x. Sideways
    x. The Aviator

    Best Director
    1. Million Dollar Baby
    2. Ray
    x. The Aviator
    x. Sideways
    x. Vera Drake

    Best Actor in a Leading Role
    1. Jamie Foxx (Ray)
    2. Johnny Depp (Finding Neverland)
    3. Clint Eastwood (Million Dollar Baby)
    x. Leonardo DiCaprio (The Aviator)
    x. Don Cheadle (Hotel Rwanda)

    Best Actress in a Leading Role
    1. Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby)
    2. Kate Winslet (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
    x. Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake)
    x. Catalina Sandino Morena (Maria Full Of Grace)
    x. Annett Bening (Being Julia)

    Best Actor in a Supporting Role
    1. Clive Owen (Closer)
    2. Jamie Foxx (Collateral)
    3. Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby)
    4. Thomas Haden Church (Sideways)
    5. Alan Alda (The Aviator)

    Best Actress in a Supporting Role
    1. Natalie Portman (Closer)
    x. Cate Blanchett (The Aviator)
    x. Laura Linney (Kinsey)
    x. Virginia Madsen (Sideways)
    x. Sophie Okonedo (Hotel Rwanda)

    Admittedly, we will probably never see movies like Vera Drake, Maria Full of Grace, Being Julia or Kinsey. If I was a betting man I'd say it won't matter.. Hilary Swank is most likely a lock to win best actress. The Aviator was the highest nominated movie of all (11 total nominations) and we still haven't seen it yet. That one will clear up 5 of my ranks. I still need to see Hotel Rwanda too.

    I like movies with a point, and preferably movies that teach you something good or something profound. For movie sites I like to read Focus On The Family's reviews. It's not what you expect though. It's not just the pro's and con's of a movie from a Christian perspective. It also has some in-depth character analysis , which I find useful in determining whether or not the film is worth watching. They have a similar perspective towards movies that I have.

    doodie: don't read this if you're eating

    If you're still reading, then I'll reward you with a comical story. Yesterday I was in several meetings spread over the day. I literally had no time to spare in between. I grabbed lunch in between and scarfed it down in about 10 minutes, then went to another meeting. Anyway, after lunch I had to go. My kids wanted to go to the pool but I didn't have time to drop them off. There were like 500 items we had to go over for the meeting so about halfway I took charge and started rushing through them. "NEXT!" "NEXT!" "OKAY! #341. NEXT!" I was rushing through it because I had to go so badly.

    Finally, it was over and I rushed back to my desk to complete the work I had to get finished before everyone went home for the day, so I did that. Finally, after 4 hours of holding off I ran over to the bathroom and... as luck would have it, both stalls were occupied. It's funny that for some reason I had this feeling that they'd be full, because the last time I ever needed to go this badly, the exact same thing happened.

    Anyway I ran to the elevator and took it one floor down. Got to 26th and.. *damn* I didn't have access to this floor. Paced around between elevators (by now one of the kids had stuck his head out the window. 'Not yet son.. get back inside."). Finally got on and took it down to the 20th, stumbled my way over to the bathroom and aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh....

    February 15, 2005


    I kind of understand what anita was talking about now, when she asked me about the 'negatives' of listening to too much Christian music. I've listened to it so much that I've somewhat become lost in the tunes and have been missing out the powerful words of many songs. It's something I've struggled with before as well, just getting caught up in the music and losing the meaning of the songs themselves.

    STILL -- although I've become slightly desensitized from the true meaning of some songs, I still feel like I'm better off than having secular songs stuck in my head.

    Let's focus a minute on what it means to lose the point of a praise song, thus turning it into just another song. Is that blasphemy? I guess it would be if I was missing the ENTIRE point of the song. So it's really more like a semi-blasphemy.

    I'm not knocking all secular music. I realize that some of it is okay, but whereas the object of secular music is:

    1. Me
    2. Love (between people)
    3. Some girl/guy
    4. Money/fame/power
    5. Authority (rebellious)
    6. MDK;

    Christian music is always first and foremost about God. Even semi-blasphemy has to be better than any of the above. Perhaps I'm just overanalyzing all this stuff.. I thought that listening to strictly christian music would influence me positively, but instead I've become ... what's the word ... "immune" to it?

    Mmm.. my chest hurts. I guess it's bedtime.

    February 14, 2005

    day 4

    I sat in front of my computer this morning and out of habit turned on my MSN. *Ack* Luckily I had switched off the "autoconnect" thing and closed it as soon as I realized what I'd done.

    Human beings need contact with other human beings.. the alternative is pets, but that's not the same.. and besides I don't have any pets. I think I used MSN as a substitute for human contact. Even if you can't see the person at least you can sort of sense their company. And knowing that people care, that is also a comfort.

    And video games.. is just a distraction from the fact. Yesterday I basically finished the game. Smee is level 60. Game over. I started a new character named Wahya, a night elf druid. Wahya is native american for "Wolf". I also have a gnome warlock named Goan. Goan has a pet.. I'm so jealous!

    In 5 short days I will lose my independence but regain my sanity. My mom and grandparents are returning from the Sin City, to do some citizen stuff, and hopefully help me do my taxes. This means we'll need to re-locate the jamming. Dunc is always busy now, someone else will have to open up their home for us..

    I finally got a haircut on Saturday, and washed my car too. My car was sooo dirty. This was the first time I'd washed since about June. It's all shiny now.. whee!

    Yesterday we had a surprise-not-surprise-anymore-yet-still-a-surprise birthday party for Drew. All week we tried to plan this thing but we were uncertain of whether he could even make it there. In the end someone had to tell him the -partial- truth to convince him to come out! But it was a fun night. We had it at Baton Rouge.

    Oh, speaking of jamming. Last night we had 3 guitarist and one vocalist. Elsa, bigjon, Kev and me. It was really fun.. Jon is talented enough to figure things out with looking at the music, and he'll play a different key to change things up. Kevin was messing around on my electric and I was just playing straight. I think mixing it up spices up the worship time. There's just a lot more combo's we can play with when there are more people. Later Jon used his guitar case as a set of drums, Kev played straight and played with a cut-capo. Good times..

    February 11, 2005

    initial reaction

    I miss instant messaging already. I'm one of those borderline ADD people. Things pop into my mind and I need to tell people these things otherwise I will go nuts, but I couldn't do that today. As a result I am completely wide awake with all kinds of ideas that I need to try to remember so I can tell people later when I see them!

    There are things that I kind of took for granted too. When I could see that someone was online, then I would know if I'd be able to call them without getting their voice mail. Now it's just a pure guessing game. And I don't know anymore whether or not if I call someone they are "busy" or not.

    Sometimes you just want to leave someone a message. What if I call someone and they pick up? I wanna leave a message damnit, not TALK to em!

    Also messaging allows the "hiya" and not expect any purpose behind it. It's perfectly acceptable to message someone with "hi" and not expect them to even reply. And if even if they do, you don't have to have any kind of purpose behind saying "hi". I guarantee you that if I called someone and said "hi" and they said "hi", and I said nothing else, they would think I was insane.

    And what about emoticons? How do you do a :'( on the phone?

    February 10, 2005

    wrong again!

    Thanks to Ina for pointing out to me that Lent actually began yesterday. I was on MSN today.. for shame..

    And so it begins..

    Last year I went 40 days without video games. Yes.. 40 days. It's hard to imagine if you know me, but I pulled it off and then at the end of the 40 days, I went nuts on games and got sick from it from lack of sleep and food.

    I thought about doing 40 days of no games again, but have decided against it.

    Over the past few days I've been thinking about what else I could do, what the meaning of Lent is, and what would be something worth that which I rely heavily upon that I could offer up to God. See, gaming isn't heavily relied upon. If I didn't game, I would be watching TV, or renting DVDs, watching movies. It's just a form of entertainment.

    In the last 3 days I realized that I heavily rely upon instant messaging. When MSN was down for a few hours I didn't know what to do. I felt as though I had been locked away from the rest of the world. I forgot about all the other lines of communication and sat there dumbfounded that I had no one to talk to.

    I guess where I'm going with this is that I've decided to give up all forms of instant messaging. This includes Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, AIM. I'm still kinda iffy on the email part. I use email for work, so I can't exactly give that up. My parents communicate with me via email as well.

    I feel that this decision will force me to open the lines of communication with others in different forms, and rather than spend time chatting online, I could spend more time with God in that way. Ie: when I feel lonely, I will turn to God instead of trying to find someone who is willing to chat with me.

    Easter is March 27th, which means on February 18th I will stop using instant messaging.

    [edit]It occurred to me just now that February only has 28 days. Thus I need to begin my Lent February 16th, not 18th.[/edit]

    February 09, 2005

    happy new year?

    Gong Xi Fa Chai -- It's chinese new year. Happy New Year to those of you who celebrate this. I checked under my pillow this morning to see if the red pouch fairy had come, but she hadn't.


    I was wrong about the dreams.

    In the last week or so I have been having similar types of dreams. I've dreamt about each of my friends pairing off with eachother. Most of them have been obvious pairings, like as in Ross & Rachel obvious. There have been a few surprises with some of the matchings my brain as come up with. Disturbingly, some of the dreams have been "graphic", I don't know what to think about that.. as if my mind thought "hey, let's see how he'll react if we show him THIS.."

    Perhaps with all the weddings going on in the past year and following year, it has given me a bit of a sense of "pressure". I totally blame my parents, who constantly hint at wanting grandchildren before they're too old to care for them, and suggesting random people from my childhood that they "always thought were nice".

    I just wanted to get these thoughts down before I forgot about them.


    I predicted the Craptors would score 88 points last night which put me within 3 points of the actual score. Unfortunately someone else on asbntr chose 93, which is closer. So I missed out a copy of Back To The Future 2 on DVD by one point.


    Eh, just wanted to say I told ya so.

    February 08, 2005


    I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

    Work has become really boring lately. Not as in I'm not busy, but just boring as in repetitive and unchallenging. I'm finding more often than not that I'll be sitting in a meeting, or talking to my boss, and in the back of my mind I'm thinking "What's the point of this? What am I doing here?".

    I wake up, I shower, play guitar, get dressed, go downstairs. Sleep for 40-60 minutes in the subway. Walk through the underground path. Sit down at my desk. Work. Eat lunch. Food coma. Work. Walk back to subway, sleep another 40-50 minutes. Buy food. Either watch tv or play WoW while eating. Sleep. It's the same damn thing every day.

    I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

    Nothing seems to be going right for me. I never reached any goals, but then again, I never set any. I have no dreams or aspirations. And that's just the metaphorical aspect of it. I don't think I've dream dreamed in a long time either. I feel like nothing I do makes a difference. I feel like I'm disconnected. When I try to reach out to someone, they either turn away from me or ignore me.

    Have you ever been on a vacation, where you went for too long? It's like the time I went to Vegas for 2-1/2 weeks, after about 10 days, I wanted to go home. There was nothing left to do there. Instead of vacation, "something new", it had become something old. I wanted to get out, I wanted to go back home.

    Right now I feel like I want to go home.

    February 06, 2005

    baby got book
    (my attempt on the lyrics)

    Oh my goodness
    Becky, look at her bible
    It is so huge
    She looks like one of those preacher guys' girlfriends
    But who understands those preacher guys anyway?
    They only talk to her because she looks like mother Theresa, Okay?
    I mean look at it, it's just huge
    It's Gross

    She just looks so.. Righteous!

    I like big bibles and I cannot lie.
    You christian brothers can't deny
    That when a girl walks in with a KJV
    And a bookmark in Proverbs
    You get stoked

    Got a name in grace
    So you know this girl is saved
    It looks like one of those large ones
    With plenty of space in the margins

    Oh baby
    I wanna read witcha
    Cuz you bible's got pictures
    My minister tried to console me
    But that book you got makes "me so holy"

    Ooh, mamma mia
    You say you want Koinonia?
    Well bless me, bless me
    And teach me about John Wesley

    I saw her praying
    While I was DJing
    She got grace, pretty face
    She ain't goin down to a bad place

    I'm tired of heathen guys
    Sayin they like pocket size
    I say the average Christian take a look
    She gotta pack much book

    So fellas (YEAH)
    Fellas (YEAH)

    Have your girlfriends got the book?
    Oh YEAH!

    Well READ IT! (READ IT!)
    READ IT... (READ IT!)
    Read that holy book

    Baby got book (NIV with the ribbon bookmark)
    Baby got book

    I like them leather
    And bound
    It's 50 pounds
    I just can't understand how it is some weanie
    Wants bible on CD

    She wanna get you saved
    AMEN double up A-MEN!
    I ain't talkin about a paraphase
    Cuz Paul wouldn't use those anyways

    I like em real thick and red lettered
    You can't find nothing better
    Southpaw's in love
    Bibles that big are unheard of

    So I'm sitting here thinking "what if"
    I find me a girl shows midrift
    You can have those bimbo's
    I keep those chicks that do devos

    A word to the Christian aistas
    I can't resist ya
    I'll do God's time witcha
    But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna
    Pray till the break of day

    Baby got it goin' on
    Like the wife in Proverbs 31
    We just might get engaged
    When we finish reading this page

    Cuz it's worn, and it's torn
    And I know that girl's reborn

    So ladies (YEAH)
    Ladies, (YEAH)
    Do you wanna save people from Hades? (YEAH)
    Then read it
    'Til the pages fall out
    Even white preachers got to shout

    Baby got Book (Thompson Chain with the big red letters)

    Yeah baby
    When it comes to a good book
    Stephen King's resume just can't compare
    39 plus 27
    Equals 66 books
    And if you're catholic... there's even more

    So your girlfriend quotes Bill Hybels
    But does she got a big bible?
    Cuz that little thing she's got
    Won't start a revival

    My bible study don't want none unless you got book, hun!

    You can read Clancy or Grisham
    But please don't lose this book
    Some brothers want to play that hard role
    And tell you that book's too old

    So they toss it
    And they burn it
    But I pull up quick to just learn it

    So your girl like paperback
    Well I ain't down with that
    Cuz my girlfriends hot and her bible's rockin
    And she's got good doctrine

    To the atheist chicks who try to diss
    You ain't it Miss Priss
    Give me a Christian I'm insistin'
    And I'll greet her with some holy kissin'

    Some pervert tried to chase
    But he didn't make it past first base
    She's quick to resist temptation
    And she loves the new translation

    So ladies who are lost and found
    If you want the triple six thrown down
    Dial 1-800-READS-ALOT
    And teach me about those Psalms

    Baby got book

    February 03, 2005

    By now some of you have noticed the change in layout. This is not what I had in mind. In fact, I don't even know how it happened. If someone has hacked my account and figured out my blatantly obvious password * then I congratulate you * thank you for not changing my posts..


    Last week at Sunday school, I went to Kinson's class because there was a potential of it ending earlier than the other classes. Yes.. guilty as charged! But it actually turned out really good. It kind of confirmed some of the things that eBrian often ponders about.

    I've always thought about ways to say things, to either completely insult someone, or ways to charm someone without making it like I was trying to do so. Or ways to convince someone to do something for me without saying so. Anyway, in class we learned about introject - to incorporate ionto one's own psyche unconsciously.

    Such as, say you say to someone: "I like your shirt!"

    That person could take it objectively, and say "thanks" and deep down, think: "mental note: this is a nice shirt".
    Or that person could take it subjectively, and say "thanks" and deep down, think: "omg, i'm gonna burn this shirt"

    Or if you said "Wow, you look fantastic today." One person may focus on the word "fantastic", but another person might focus on the word "today".

    It's easy to laugh about things like this. As a child I would have been the second person. If someone said I had a nice shirt, and I would never wear that shirt again. Nowadays, I couldn't care less. Some might say that clothing and appearance is TOO far down my list of priorities. I've received complaints from friends that I didn't dress appropriately for various occasions.

    I was just thinking to myself, how can I go and compliment someone without the fear that I completely insult them? How can I say something to someone without offending them, or internalizing what I said to them and hating me forever for saying it? Perhaps I can completely throw out the idea of making negative comments or observations. Yes, some people can take criticism, but some might bury it inside and end up jumping off a bridge 10 years down the road.

    I'm not kidding.. this is serious stuff.

    One idea I had was to constantly compliment people. If I did that, then I would be known for it and people would always know that I was being genuine and not malicious. But then I realized that if I did that to *everyone* and then missed out on some people, then THOSE people would be offended.

    How about being brutally honest to everyone? I can just imagine standing in the middle of subway and getting everyone's attention:

    "Hello everyone, I have an important announcement to make. You, you, you and you. You all have bad breath. You 3 over there should be wearing a lot more clothes. Cover yourselves up.. especially you! What are you, like 14?! Sir! Yes * you, the guy who is in dire need of a haircut * ever heard of deodorant? And Miss, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.. and your boyfriend over there, has not stopped ogling those half-naked teenagers over there since he got on the train. He's a pig, miss. A pig. I think you should leave him for me."

    I can just imagine the bruises and cuts that would result in that sort of behavior. And the years and years of counselling and therapy I'd have to endure.


    So yea, I wrote the above at work inbetween stuff I had to do, kind of my downtime thoughts. But about halfway through the day I forgot all about it, and now I've completely lost my train of thought.

    The idea that you can alter a word or two in a statement to another person and you can affect their deep psyche. It's just that sort of thing that makes me realize how important it is to think carefully before I say anything.

    See, I can't even think of what to say next. Completely lost..

    I watched Finding Neverland. I'll post up a review of it tomorrow.

    February 02, 2005

    Jamie Foxx (Collateral), Nominated for Best Supporting Actor

    Last night I watched the movie Collateral, directed by Michael Mann. Mann is known for movies like Ali, The Insider and Heat. So yeah, you could say I was expecting a pretty damn good movie.

    The movie also starred Tom Cruise and Jada Pinkett-Smith. I was rather suprised to see Jada in the movie. I had not heard she was a part of it.

    Jamie Foxx was really good. He really got into character, as this timid man who had set his dreams beyond where he could ever reach. Kind of a man who is stuck in a rut but doesn't know it. In denial of where he is in his life, where he ought to be or where he wished he could be. And regardless of his shortcomings, has a good feel for life. And values life. Puts himself before others.

    So yea I thought he deserved the nomination.

    The movie. I liked it. Everything was good from the beginning, the soundtrack set the tone and the camera work was really good. I've yet to see a Tom Cruise movie that I didn't like. He's a been around long enough so he knows, and has built his career around making the right choices. I suppose here I can make another point about Ben Affleck. As we know he's a big gambler. This might explain his penchant of picking up the worst scripts in the world and just doing them. Maybe he just needs the money?

    There was kind of a lot to kinda think about. Tom's character - Vincent - had an interesting way of looking at life. As a hit-man, he justified his killings by pointing out that thousands of people are dying in Rwanda, and most people don't even know about. So why would anyone care about the people he kills? His life is so empty that you feel sorry for the guy. He has no reason to live, no one to live for. He feels absolutely no remorse for his killings. He just shrugs it off.

    But then he also keeps Max (Foxx) alive.

    I can't quite understand why he keeps saving Max's life, other than maybe he doesn't know the city well enough and needs someone to drive him around. Or maybe it's just his "style". One of the policemen alludes to a previous job, about a cab driver going around killing people and then shooting himself at the end. Could this be one of Vincent's previous jobs? Possibly. So maybe it's just the way he goes about things so he feels it's important to finish his work with Max, and then maybe shoot him afterwards and make it look like a suicide.

    Whatever. The perfectly good movie was ruined at the end. Um.. Spoiler Alert. At then end in the subway there is a shootout between Max and Vincent, face to face they start shooting at eachother, and by some miracle, the cab driver outshoots the contract killer. A man trained to drive a car from destination to destination, OUTGUNS a gunman. A man trained to kill people, is killed, by a man trained to drive a car. A driver kills the killer.

    If you didn't understand that, it's like training to be a boxer your entire life, fighting professionally for 6 years, and then getting knocked out by a ballerina. Now how realistic is that?

    Okay, so the ratings. I'll give 81/100 on Foxx's performance and 71/100 for the movie.

    February 01, 2005


    The first time I ever heard "pet peeve" was at an ACEM Conference at McMaster. I remember I was paired up with a girl named Grace, and she asked me what my pet peeves were. Of course I didn't know what it meant so I said "dogs". Which shocked her because then she said "Really?? I LOVE dogs". At which point I realized my error but rather than admit my stupidity I just played along and made up some excuse about why I hated dogs, which is a blatant lie.

    One thing that really peeves me is when I see someone stand in front of a door, press the wheelchair assistance button and wait for the door to open. And 95% of the time it's an asian woman who does it. It really pisses me off. What's worse is they do it when there's about 40 people behind them trying to get home or get to work, and they just stand there almost impatiently, as if the door is opening too slowly. And everyone else is standing behind em waiting for the door to open, like a bottleneck of pedestrian traffic.

    It just bugs me that people abuse this button that was placed there to help disabled people. If they were used properly, you would never see a person in a wheelchair push the button and find that it was broken. Even worse I've found people use their feet to push the button. That's pretty disgusting. First of all some physically challenged people *need* to use the button. And let's not forget the children who love to press buttons.

    You know how when you're wearing earphone/headphones, you can't really hear anything, and sometimes end up yelling just so you can hear your own voice? Anyway, about 2 weeks ago this happened again, an asian woman pressed the button just outside the subway station and waited. It was windy so the door was moving really slow. She kinda just stood there staring at it. I was late though, so I just budded in front of her, muttered "lazy" and opened the door and walked through. As it turns out I said it bit louder than I thought I did, because later on this same woman was giving me the "evil eye", glaring angrily at me on the subway platform.


    Rafer Alston is the Raptor's new whipping boy. This guy is a complete unprofessional. If you guys thought V**** was a headache, be prepared for the next 4 years of Rafer. You'd think that a 28 year old could grow up a little, but that is not the case.

    Apparently after a disagreement with a teammate in college, Rafer dropped a weight on some guy's groin while he was asleep. Yes that's right, a weight. He was kicked off the team shortly after. Rafer also once grabbed his ex-girlfriend by the throat and threw her to the ground. Classy.

    He has threatened to retire because his coach benched him, sobbing on television that he wasn't used to this kind of treatment and that it was so much better at his old team. Boo V****-ing hoo.

    Then in the last game we played, as the game was winding down he asked to be taken out of the game because he was being embarassed so badly by Kid Canada. Our floor general pulled out his little white flag and surrendered. Rafer also thinks that he's the reason fans come out to see the Raptors!

    Oh the humanity!

    The other thing that bothers me is that I keep mis-typing his name as Rafter.


    I think if I keep up the way I have been eating these past two weeks, I'll get fat again.