March 31, 2004

Girl With a Pearl Earring

Since no one was interesting in seeing ESotSM, I went to see GWaPE instead. It was pretty good. You wouldn't know it by the emptiness of the theatre (Kenric and I were the only ones there). Scarlett Johansson was pretty good in it. I'd say she was better in this one that Lost in Translation, even.

I keep thinking they could have done more in the movie, but since it's based on a book I guess that's all that was in the book. I suppose it was also accurate to those days, the relationship between a master and servant, and how much respect a servant is required to show to the master. I guess if I ever see that painting (Netherlands), I will at least be able to see or imagine some sort of meaning behind it.

March 30, 2004

For all you Mario Bro fans out there... Check this out. And if it doesn't work (as I'm sure they'll reach their bandwidth quota soon), check it out here.

Oh yeah.. and try this.. I really like this song called "Light & Day" by Polyphonic Spree. Of course I could be a little biased because it was in Eternal Sunshine, but still..
Bah.. what is wrong with me? I woke up at 3am this morning. 3!!!! Went back to sleep, and then woke again at the usual 6:30.

We discovered that there is a Korean BBQ place near work, and that's all we talk about all day now.. haha! We're going this friday.

Utmost covered Luke 12:40 (context is Luke 12:35-48). It's the story about Jesus teaching "Watchfulness", a lesson about the servants who must be prepared for their master's return. It immediately made me think about family members and close friends who are unbelievers. If Christ came back today, I would seriously resent not sharing God with them. There are people who I've shared with already but I don't think I've tried hard enough.

It's like when you tell someone about God, and if they don't outrightly reject it, you feel some sort of comfort because you can always go back and share more, but then you don't because you're afraid they'll get completely turned off from it. It's like asking a girl out - you can be happy just being her friend and not take the next step, because you're afraid that they'll say no and things will be awkward between the two of you afterwards. Of course there's a big difference between sharing Christ and sharing a pizza. Ah, but I am digressing..

And then there's the people who did completely reject it. Whether it's because they just don't feel that void in their life, or don't realize that they're obsessing over something that has temporarily filled that void, such as a hobby, or a religion. Regardless of their reasons, they just refuse to listen and could wind up hating you if you shared God's love with them. Again similarly it's like a girl who is already in a relationship or just came off one. You just don't know whether to share the gospel with people like that. I don't think I've ever shared even attempted to share Christ with my muslim friends, for instance. And atheists, are like women who have sworn off men forever because of a bad relationship. Again.. digressing..

I spend the evening in prayer (okay, maybe not, but I spent a good 15 minutes!), praying for friends and family who have rejected God. Ultimately those are the people I would most regret not trying harder with because it be like "Brian, if this was so important to you why didn't you try harder to convince me? I thought you loved me?" sort of thing. I thought of my grandmother and uncle, and then of other people's immediate families.

Pray for a soft heart, for opportunities to share with them, and for their willingness to listen. If you have the faith, you can take it a step further and pray that the Spirit moves them to a complete turnaround. I've seen it happen before, an entire family touched by God over a span of a couple of weeks. God is so amazing! Yes, it can be done! And it starts with prayer, regular and ferverent, and purpose driven prayer!

March 29, 2004

I've had a lot to think about lately.. a lot "on my plate". And not really anything to blog about. I mean, it's not like I'm short of things to say, but just that some things are better left in my vault 8)

This past week has been seemingly a huge blessing, with work and friendships both blossoming, I have been feeling really fortunate and happy. Moreover I've gone through less days of "what did i do today? was it a complete waste?" and more days of satisfaction.

Last night I chatted with my brother DMalice for about an hour and was really please the way he's begun to mature. It's hard to believe (and scary) that he's already driving, too. He pointed out another good breath prayer that he's been using, "Not my will, but Yours." I can add that to my current repertoire of "I am a child of God" and "Jesus is the rock of my salvation".

I haven't really been able to read my Wild at Heart book as much lately because small group reading has taken up all my subway reading time. That and sleeping on the subway have been major road blocks for me.

March 27, 2004

Chris Hilgert is slowly becoming my worst enemy.. does this count as a video game? Oh crap.. didn't realize this until I typed this. =(

Pingu, Part III

My best individual score is 475.06. Best total is 1647.37.

But... I'll have to stop playing this one for the time being. Sorry God..
Work has been awesome this past week. We've finally reached testing, not just me testing but users acceptance testing. This stage will last 3 months. I love it. As test lead and portal admin, I get to work with the users and record the bugs they find and also help them through using the system. I wrote the test cases and the user manual. I feel like I've come into my own during this past week, taking a real stab at making a name for myself with the team. I dunno, I guess I've always been part of the team, but now taking a more active role is pretty exciting.

I had this interesting conversation with one of the testers, he basically told me that if I wanted to, I could probably be a City employee for the rest of my career. I was telling him about how I felt that once this project is over, my contract would end, and he was say "No, they'll just put you on another project, and another. Besides, this project is going to last at least another year or maybe more." It made me think about all the notices I've seen in the elevators about someone retiring, and how it'd say so and so has been with the City for 30 years. 30 years, that's crazy. But if I were to stay til I retired, that's 40 years..

If I were to stay here for another 38 years, I guess I'd expect to be no worse than Director of IT. I mean, that's what I would push myself for.

Onto the bigger picture is why God placed me at this job. It's just that keep hearing about people who are unhappy at work, or overworked, who never have enough time to do other things. While I have plenty of time, I work hard and some days it's pretty rough, overall I am completely satisfied with it. So it brings me to the question, of all the time I have that others don't -- I should be using them more wisely. What is it that God wants me be doing with my time?

It's like back in highschool one year I had the oddest timetable where I had a spares from 10 til 2 every other day. Those days sucked, because most of my friends were in class so the "spare" was wasted. I'd ended up going home every time to play computer. I mean, what a waste!

March 25, 2004

Whoa... Amy dodged a bullet! Heck, it was a moving truck! The Apprentice is such an awesome show!

Oh yeah.. one other thing is yesterday I decided to check out the show called "The O.C.", because there was nothing else on, and I've heard some people say it was good. My cousin (male) is a big fan of it, and I even have a couple of other guy friends who watch it. ... although they're slightly younger than I.

I watched about 30 minutes of the 1 hour show but couldn't stand any more of it. I hafta say, TV isn't what it used to be. The show is pure drivel. Garbage. How any person could sit through an entire hour of it is a miracle in itself. The show is just pure crap! Now mind you I was never a big fan of the "teen soap" shows of my era like 90210, Melrose, or Dawson's Creek. But I could at least stand watching a few episodes here and there. The OC has no substance, the dialogue isn't even interesting. It's just a ... really, really bad show.

Sorry guys, I guess I just don't get it.
You can erase someone from your mind.
Getting them out of your heart is another story.
I got another CD in the mail yesterday. "The Need" by mercyme. First time going through it, was *disappointing*. They sound like a garage band, which they probably were back then. But still, a vast contrast between "The Need" and "Spoken For". You can really see how much the band has matured over the years. You can also see that the success they've had has allowed them to buy better instruments and recording devices.

The CD sounds 'amateurish'. I mean it really sounds like they recorded the whole thing in their garage! There's a strange echo and the bass is really waaaaay to loud. What I do like about mercyme though is that they are always very God-focused in their music. The lyrics are always good, even if the tunes sound pretty bad in this one.

All bands go through a bit of a maturity phase though. In this CD, you can't even tell that Bart Millard has an incredible voice It's highly conceivable that he himself didn't know yet. It's almost as if someone else is singing!

March 24, 2004

I remember blogging about this a few months ago. At the end of the day is one of those expressions which I find most annoying. My old boss used to use it all the time, I mean he would say it 10-11 times in a single meeting! Finally someone has done a study on it!
eternal sunshine

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted and each wish resign'd.

Far other dreams my erring soul employ
Far other raptures, of unholy joy.

I saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" yesterday, with Ken and Kenric. The movie itself was slow, very slow. I think by the halfway point I had it all figured out, but I think the point of it was to be slow so we could see how the character's would unravel. As in any Charlie Kaufman movie, there were many times of "what the..??" and "HAHAHA" throughout the movie. Little inuendo's you had to think about before you laughed, and probably many times when I just didn't get the joke.

It was one of those movies where, 1-2 people in the entire audience would be laughing at something from the movie, because the rest of them (us) didn't get the joke, or didn't think it was funny. It was sporadic laughter.

And I think that's great because it could cater to various peoples' sense of humor.

What I got from the movie: With all weird movies comes a lesson of some sort. The idea that painful memories are often accompanied with joyful memories. Sometimes you want to block out those painful memories, but would you go as far as to block that person completely out of your memory just so you wouldn't have to relive those horrible memories? And, do painful memories out-weigh the joyful ones?

And taking that a step further -- life's regrets. Everyone has regrets in life; I know that I have many of them. I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that, etc. Making the most out of every situation, 'carpe diem' as my highschool used to say. If joyful memories always outweigh painful memories, than life should consist of taking more risks, because even if you get hurt, the *possibility* of a joyful memory makes it worthwhile.

And finally, God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes, He might set us up for failure so that we might learn more about ourselves. But ultimately He wants us to be happy. How do we know if God is leading us towards a joyful memory, or painful memory? We can't possibly know, but as long as we remain obedient and live according to how He has taught us to live, whatever it is He's leading us towards -- can't be all that bad!

March 23, 2004

Every morning when I talk to God for about 5 minutes. At night before bed, I attempt a real heart-to-heart with Him. It lasts usually between 5-15 minutes, depending on what's transpired during the day. I spend about 30 seconds thanking God for my lunch, and a commercial break thanking Him for my dinner. Sometimes less, if the show comes back. Yeah, I peek sometimes, and do the quick "in Jesus' name...".

So how much time is that out of my day.. 20 minutes? PDL suggests breath prayers, which at the time of reading, I was doing 'em. This morning I decided I should start again, and I only remembered this decision 3 minutes ago.

The last two days I've gotten up at 6:24. Monday, I went back to sleep, and today I got up and went to work. The strange thing is before I was waking up, totally freshened (I usually tend to be a morning person). But this week I have still gotten up early, but I'm *dead* tired. So what gives? The other thing is I'm watching a lot of crap these days. Yesterday I found myself watching for no apparent reason, just flipping channels. Today I thought: Enough is enough! And got up and played some guitar. And here I am blogging.

So what exactly is eBrian's point? The point is I'm bored. Restless. I want to do *something*. I feel like I'm in a rut, but I'm not depressed or sad. Just bored, like I wanna do something, anything, just to break out of this shell.. to make life exciting. Perhaps one thing I miss about gaming is being able to take out my aggressions on something. To be able to yell CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE! And shoot down everything in sight. Perhaps I should play some sports..

bp, can you tell what I've been reading lately?

March 20, 2004

despite sleeping at 3am, i still woke up at 6:15am. the ringing in my ear has been on and off all week, but off today. i went back to bed and stayed awake in bed til about 10, then went to the house to mop the floors and clean up the counters. then i called kenric to go for lunch. by the time we actually ate it was about 3pm! we went back to the pho88 place. even as i type this, i'm still full from that lunch. we each had an XL, and then topped it off with milkshakes. their milkshakes are really good!!

with a whole saturday afternoon still ahead of us, we decided to go and catch a movie. 444-FILM, i dialed. that thing is hilarious, the whole time i was picturing Kramer on the other end:

KRAMER: Hewwo and welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press one.
GEORGE: Come on. Come on.
KRAMER: Using your touch-tone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the movie title, now.
(George presses 3 keys)
KRAMER: You've selected ... Agent Zero? If that's correct, press one.
KRAMER: Ah, you've selected ... Brown-Eyed Girl? If this is correct, press one.
(George looks baffled)
KRAMER: Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've selected?

[Taken from episode 8, season 7 of Seinfeld - "The Pool Guy". Aired on November 16, 1995]

The funny thing is Kramer uses this oriental accent the whole time, it was hilarious!

Anyway, we ended up just going straight to the rainbow theatres at Fairview Mall, and watched Starsky & Hutch, which was a movie that was a lot better than I expected. It wasn't as short as I thought it would be, and there were moments when I found myself applauding it because it was so funny!
friends, faith

quickly - i really enjoyed small group tonight, and the hanging out afterwards.

these people are starting to feel like family and i love that.

and now... faith. i have little of it, but supposedly, it's enough. that tiny mustard seed's worth of faith, only mine is probably half the size of that seed. but it's just a metaphor anyway, so even half that seed is more than enough. we discussed faith at small group tonight, about how sometimes when we pray we almost avoid praying directly for we want because we often will try to rationalize our requests or alter them slightly to avoid possible disappointment. as if we think God can't do it.

if we don't truly believe God will answer our prayer, then isn't that a poor motive (james 4:3)? we should remember that with God, all things are possible and thus pray outright for what we want.

after david yonggi cho spoke on the saturday last week, i started to pray more earnestly and more in expectation that God would answer my prayers. but even towards the end of this week i have already reverted back to the doubt that i started out with. i would ask Him for something, and then try to bargain with God, saying something like "well, i mean if it's not part of your will, then let's just forget the whole thing. i'm just up for whatever you want for me". i think because of human tendancies to try to cover up for our fears, or try to smooth things over, it's difficult to put out there like that and just ask God for exactly what we want. we tend to think that if we just flat out ask, God will thing we are being overzealous or that we have improper intentions.

and the whole Hebrews 11:1 thing boggles my mind. how be sure of something we hope for? is it like, if someone was praying for a car, they'd reject all rides being offered to them, and just sit there expecting a car to show up eventually? again i'm reminded of Dr. Cho's experience of praying for the chair, table and bicycle. how he could tell his congregation that he had received those items when he hadn't. it would seem like sheer madness, to me, to go and act as though i had something i had prayed for, without actually having it.

March 19, 2004

how to ask and not receive

Lately I've been trying to be smarter about the use of language and words when asking someone a question. How do you ask someone for something without forcing them to say "yes"? Or on the flip side, how can you always get a "yes"? How do you force a positive answer as opposed to a negative one? My overall goal is to give the person I'm asking an equal 50/50 opportunity to say yes or no.

To get a Yes is easy. You can apply guilt, sympathy, and reasonability to convince or even trick a person to say Yes. But to pose a question while providing them with equal opportunity to say yes or no, that's hard.

First things first, always request with a C. Never ask "Would you.." or "Want to.." (or "Wanna"). Can you, Could you? These are the best. It's more direct. Would you? Yeah sure, I would want to but will I? W's are more to see if someone's willing to do something, like as if to ask if they would do it given the proper conditions. But a Could you, that's more direct. Could is asking for capability, and likely if you're capable of something, conditions have been satisfied already.

1. "Can you give me a ride to church?". You'll almost always get a Yes for this one. I personally cannot say No to this. I've gone across town just to get people to church. What if you said "Do you know anyone whocould give me a ride to church?". That would get the person thinking -- who else could they ask? maybe I could help arrange a ride but not necessarily give the ride. I think that's the best way to approach this kind of situation.

2. "Can you spot me?". You forget to bring money and you're at a restaurant or a movie, etc. Unless they don't have money themselves, they're likely to oblige. Personally I hate to owe money because they might forget, and then essentially you got a freebie, and I definitely *will* forget. The alternative is "I need to find a bank or ATM." This gives them an option, to point out a location, or to say don't worry about it and lend them the money.

3. "Can I have this?" or "Can I borrow this?". This is very rare. Not too many people come into my place and ask for things (because I only have crap), but it happens. Best alternative is probably "I was thinking of buying this.. but I'm not sure if it's worth it." This gives the person an option to lend it to you, or to tell you whether or not it's a good buy. You might even get a coupon, or a location where there's a sale for it.

4. Gum. "Can I have a piece of gum?" I don't think I've ever asked for gum and got a No, unless they didn't have any left. How can I ask for gum and give them the option of saying No, even if they have a whole pack left? How bout "Man, my breath stinks. I think I might kill someone if I exhale." No, that definitely wouldn't work. The person might give you their entire pack of gum for that one. Ha!

I think the general idea is to choose the right words. Lately I have been also trying not to make my regular sarcastic remarks because upon reflection I find that although it's all kidding around, I could really offend someone. I know this because I can get offended by things people just say for kicks, just to get a laugh. Even today, I said something to someone as just a question, but then I right when it came out I realized it could be taken as an insult.

March 18, 2004

One of my life-long dreams ever since I discovered girls and fishing, was to have my very own island. I could *so* imagine, bringing my wife and kids to a summer cottage on a secluded island every summer.. Today, this dream came a step closer to reality. I could have a picture of it in my wallet, "That's MY island" I'd say, proudly. Sweet.

This site features a bunch of islands that are for sale in Ontario. Some of them are affordable! Little Island looks great.. 2 acres, $50k, great fishing just off of Manitoulin Island. And for sure it's gonna be quiet there because Manitoulin is only accessible by ferry. Our family went to Tobermory many years ago and it was one of my most memorable family camp trips ever. The fishing was phenomenal, the boating was so much fun. And the towns people were very friendly too.

Oh, the memories..

Gotta start saving up!

March 17, 2004

Take My Life (And Let It Be)
by Frances R. Havergal, 1874

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee
Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee

Take my voice and let me sing
Always, only for my King
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my intellect and use
Every power as You choose

Here am I, all of me
Take my life, it's all for Thee

Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart, it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne
Take my love, my Lord I pour
At Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee

Here am I, all of me
Take my life, it's all for Thee

You are listening to Chris Tomlin's rendition.

Btw, has anyone ever heard or seen a McPherson guitar? It's a regular acoustic guitar except the soundhole is off to the side instead of right behind the strings. The result is a really crisp sound, almost metallic yet not metallic sound. I downloaded a few of the sample mp3s they had on their site, it sounds unbelievable! Too bad they're $4000!

March 15, 2004


I wondered to myself when my order would finally arrive as I walked from the subway station to my mailbox.. lo and behold, it has finally arrived.. Passion: Hymns Modern & Ancient.

And here's an 'artistic' look at my guitar. :P

Thanks to the bassman for giving me a heads' up on this CD -- It took a long time to arrive, but I think it was worth the wait.. The limited edition packaging is really nice! And, the cd comes with chords and lyrics, which is really sweet.

I think I should take a break from buying cd's for the next little while. All of them have been 'impulse' buys. The Passion one is totally on a whim. bassman and I have similar tastes in music, and so i figured it would be a safe buy. same with Gee.. Why?, which led to the nichole nordeman buy. And then in between was the Wow Hits, which I just happened to pick up for no apparent reason which led to my exposure to MercyMe's music, and hence two more purchases.

Of course the bad news is there's a sale on March 18th at Mitchell's.

One thing great about all the buys have been that most of them are playable on guitar. I've been playing so much lately and today I actually managed to play barre B! Curse the Barre chords!!

Check out my fingers -- Ouch!:

March 14, 2004

Missionfest, Day 2

The Yoido Full Gospel Church has 850,000 church members. Members. I think at t3c, we have maybe 30% of the congregation who are actual members. I'm not even a member! Dr. David Yonggi Cho is a pioneer of the cell/small group church concept. Most of his members have joined his church via the cells. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

Today Cho spoke about the power of faith. "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20. Cho gave an example about how he brought some mustard seeds to show his congregation, and they were so small that people complained they couldn't see. And one lady came right up to them and couldn't see them, and she came so close that she accidentally blew them away from her breath. Mustard seeds are so small that they can be fluttered away by exhaling -- and yet Jesus used this example to show that our faith doesn't need to be any larger than this seed, in order to move mountains.

Cho taught us that there are two types of prayer, one is the fellowship prayer, which uses many rhetoric words, words of praise, etc. But the other is task prayers, and these often should be straight forward, like "Lord, heal my wounds." There's nothing like "Lord, thank you for this wonderful day. I know that you are all powerful and sovereign, and that you can do (blah blah blah)." Task prayers should be plain and simple. You don't have to explain yourself because God already knows what you are thinking. He just wants to hear your words, because the fact that you are asking for these things proves your faith, and that is all He is looking for.

Another lesson, was activating one's faith by believing that what we pray for God will grant us, and has granted us already. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 Cho talked about visualizing (and receiving visions of) the things he asked God for, and eventually his prayers were answered. And he talked about being very specific about what we ask God for. Specifically from his testimony he said he prayed for a table, chair and bicycle, and his prayers were not answered until he asked God specifically for a special kind of table, and "mitsubishi" chair, and an american brand name bicycle. Only then were his prayers answered.

One funny story he told us relates to the wife/husband shopping list I referred to in my last post. Cho met a woman who had been praying for a husband for 10 years and was still unmarried. So Cho sat down with her and asked her what kind of man she wanted, and they made a long list of things she wanted. Every day from then on she would read over the list and pray for that kind of husband, and within a few months she was married to her ideal husband. The list was very specific, like skin color, height, career, interests. Amazing..

Well, I've been praying for a few months now for a wife. Perhaps it's time I made a list.. :P

Finally Cho teaches to confess your sins before asking God for things. He made a point to confess with your mouth, as though we should confess our sins out loud. I'm not sure why but I suppose it is probably more difficult to confess since out loud than just thinking of them in your mind. Again, confessing sins professes the fact that you believe He is capable of forgiveness, once again making use of your faith in Him.

All in all I am grateful for having volunteered for Missionfest so that I had a chance to hear Dr. Cho's message. Kenric and I ran into a woman at Mitchell's couple of weeks ago and she was the one who suggested we volunteer so we could get in for free. I probably would not have heard him speak otherwise, because of the rumors satan has been spreading through the local church communities of his "occult teachings". I'm grateful that I signed up to hear God's message to me about faith. I've lost my upper octaves again because I was singing so loudly during worship the last two days, but it was worth it.

By the way, I bought mercyme's other album "Almost Home" and the men's devotional book "Wild At Heart" yesterday, and then purchased Nichole Nordeman's "Woven & Spun" today.

March 13, 2004

what's your list?

Today all day at work I contemplated whether or not I should go to Missionfest, because I'm already going Saturday and Sunday as a volunteer. But in the end, I did go after all. I'd say that I've never really felt the burden of going overseas, so missions has never really been a thing for me. I've always said that if I feel like I'm being called, I'll go, no questions asked. I've always felt that my workplace is my mission field, or my school friends. Anyway, if I were to go on a missions trip, I think I would want to go to a Muslim country. All my friends in school and at work, are either Christian or Muslim. I think it'd be most interesting to visit a Muslim country, learn about their culture and religion, and show them the Good News.

I ended up spending a good amount of time talking to the MSI rep, (not anita) and getting a good idea of the kind of stuff they do in China. I hafta say, it did peak my interest. It's great work they're doing there, and it also fit my ideal mission trip --- not so much going there to preach, but just going out there to help people who are in need.

Before that though, I sat in on David Yonggi Cho's talk. It was a very powerful message, and I can see how his church grew so quickly. He speaks with a lot of conviction, there is like an urgency, he really wants everyone to embrace the Lamb of God. I saw no evidence of him having any questionable teachings. The only thing that raised an eyebrow was at the end when he led us through a healing prayer, and then afterwards had people come up who had been miraculously healed. I had a discussion about this afterwards with gladys and anita. This was the first healing I'd ever seen and I was very skeptical about the whole thing.

But Jesus and his disciples healed many people. Through the power of faith, healing *is* possible. Cho spoke about how faith is a choice --if you choose faith, then you are saved. Similarly, if you choose to believe you can be healed, you will be healed. It is then that I realized that my faith isn't nearly as strong as I thought it was. I have a weak faith. No matter how I look at it, I am still skeptical of the healings. And I shouldn't be, because with God, All Things Are Possible. And yet, there I was, doubting all of the healings. Even after saying "All Things Are Possible", I still have lingering doubts about the healings!

After Missionfest I went with anita to meet up with Ina for bbt. It was --- awkward --- to say the least. It was me and 5 girls. Gladys, Ina, Carrie, Janey and Anita. I think I've met Janey once before. Anyway, believe it or not they actually talked about hockey (Bertuzzi) for about 10 minutes. But the rest was girl talk. Someone was making some kind of shopping list, I didn't catch any of the details but it was some sort of a checklist/criteria for the ideal man. And then of course so that I didn't feel left out, Ina asks me "What your list?".

What is my list? I think every guy has a list, and the list gets thrown out the window when he meets his future wife. My only "criteria" is a Godly woman. And I don't mean just a woman who believes, I mean someone who has truly devoted her entire life (in it's entirety) to pleasing God. There's a difference! After that, the list is full of "nice to have"s. And no, I won't list any of them, because someday, someone will remember them and bring them up at my wedding, and I will be embarassed in front of all my friends. :Þ

March 12, 2004

I think I may have figured out the problem with my sleeping patterns. Yesterday I went to bed at 1:30, and woke up at 7:15. I guess I've just been sleeping too much. This whole "not playing games" thing has given me so much extra time that I've been sleeping earlier than usual, and thus waking up earlier. Maybe the solution to this is to not go to bed as soon as I feel tired..

Tonight Missionfest begins. At first I was a little bit worried about how this David Yonggi Cho guy dabbling in the occult, but having prayed about it and talked to Lon about it I think it should be okay. Yes, some of his teachings are questionable, and he may be a little bit eccentric, but he is still quite well known for his work in Korea and is commended for it. His church has 850,000 members. I'm sure he has something to teach us.

I'm still not sure what I'll do tonight. I could go to church for joint worship, or I could go to Missionfest. I *should* be able to get in MF for free, if I show them my Missionfest volunteering papers. On the other hand I'll be there all weekend, do I really want to go there Friday too? Of course.. it's just a hop, skip and a jump from work..

Hmm.. prayer items: Ina is flying in tonight, so pray for her safety. Kevin is flying out to his vacation tomorrow so also pray for him. Elsa is in Vancouver, so continue praying for her. She will be visiting Eric and Nicole while she is there. Nancy and Duncan have been on their cruise all week, (lucky bums!) so continue to pray for their well-being and safety.

Last night I met up with Lon and Yvonne, we went for bbt (actually we had slushes) downstairs. Yvonne gave up television shows for her lent, and Lon gave up following sports (mostly hockey). That's funny, because those two things have increased for me *because* I gave up video games. Just think, if I'd given up all those -- (ESPN), TV, video games -- my blogs would just one long stream of thoughts, unending. I'd have nothing to do. Each blog entry would be 20 pages long. Crazy..

March 11, 2004

The strange echoing sound in my ears are still there, but I have wonderful news.. MY VOICE IS ALMOST BACK! It's like 90% now.. I was able to hit the high notes in There's A Reason (mercyme) today.. And.. I just tested out some Mariah. Whenever You Call.. I can almost hit the high notes on Brian McKnight's parts.. hehe sweet.. it's all coming back!

March 10, 2004


Highlight of the game: The Raptor soars over Miss World.

Ahh.. my final game of the season. We played the Cavaliers, and boy oh boy did we stink. It was me, Kenric, Ryan and Ben. After the first quarter I turned to Kenric to ask him if he wanted to get a beer. We were already losing by a lot. Actually, I don't think the Raptors played that badly until the 4th quarter, and by then the game was already out of reach. Cleveland shot very well, and just got lucky a lot of times tonight. Boozer didn't have his insane rebounding numbers, so it's not like we were drastically outrebounded. It was just the matter of them shooting extremely well that handed us our loss.

I never felt the Raptors would make the playoffs, and have I always felt that if we could only miss the playoffs, then Grunwald would be fired. At this point, I think the Raptors have to realize they aren't going to make the playoffs, and start losing games on purpose. It hard to lose on purpose I know, and what's even harder is if they really wanted to lose, they'd have to play Murray more, and if they play Murray more then he's more likely to stay with the team rather than opt out of his contract and save us $5M. I think, if they started to play like they wanted to lose, and still kept benching Murray, that might infuriorate him so much that he'd opt out at seasons' end.

Well *enough* with sports.

Once again God teaches another lesson, as I came across the next lessons in the book this morning, on the burden of doubt, and then the burden of homesickness. Amazing, how God works. Just think, if I'd gotten a seat yesterday on the subway, I would have read that chapter and then not blogged about my homesickness, and disappointments. Strange, that God would want me to discover these flaws in myself before pointing out the solutions.
It's back. That hollow ringing sound in my ear. I think I'll check my blood pressure at the Pharma Plus today.. HUGE demo this afternoon at work. All district engineering managers and supervisors, and the director too. The scary thing is I know half of them, and even scarier, they're all engineers. I think that has to be the most frightening thing, that they're all engineers and they'll be able to tell whether or not we're bullsh|tting them. Engineers are meticulous, after all I am one, so I know. Scary..

I miss my mom. And my brother too, and my dad. After reading about how Ina received a care package, with all kinds of goodies she missed from back home, it made me realize that I'm not really "home" either. I would trade all of this in -- this beautiful apartment, my car, my job, my independence -- for an hour of just hangin' out with my family. One round of Big2, or watch "Friends" with my mom, or watch a Leafs game with my dad. Even though this is where I grew up, I'm in a foreign place. How is moving off on your own different from your family moving off to another place? My best friend is gone, I can't get home cooking anymore, can't talk to my parents about stuff anymore (it's like this blog has replaced my brother and parents) and there's no one here to welcome me home after work. It's the same thing.. The same *damn* thing.

March 09, 2004

I know that posting now will result in no one reading my "prison" post. Oh well.

My sleeping problems started in February. I stopped playing games in February. I mean, I played the Painkiller demo up until the 22nd, but actual hardcore gaming, as in more than 30 minutes at a time -- I haven't done that since January. So.. what does it all mean?

Gaming -- it's a part of me. Probably not something I'm most proud of, but it's still a part of me. I thought that I should lower my gaming because it would allow me to go out more, socialize more and make more friends. But instead, less gaming has messed up my sleeping hours and I haven't even made use of the extra time. I used to play games after dinner, and then go to bed afterwards. Instead, I just spend more time reading blogs, practicing guitar. One time last week I played so much guitar I couldn't feel my fingertips anymore. I played past the point where it "hurts like hell" to the point of "hmm.. i have no feeling in my left hand!". I played everything, well at least everything I'm capable of.

This whole "not gaming" thing is so new to me. All of a sudden I have 2-3 hours of extra time, and I don't know what to do with it. I think that gaming must take a lot out of a person, because 2-3 hours I spend doing other crap, hasn't made me tired at all. I require less sleep now. That is so weird.. that gaming actually requires so much energy.

Once again, I was up by 6:30 this morning. I actually was in the mode, of 'forcing oneself' to sleep longer, and the best I could muster up was 6:30. I'm beginning to wonder if it I had *too* much sleep. Is this even possible?

I haven't done much sharing lately, here or even in my small group. I've been disappointed lately with some of the things I hoped for but which didn't materialize and as a result I've been pretty closed up aside from sharing about my basement struggles.

Of course, whenever I'm down God teaches me a lesson. Yesterday I read a chapter in Traveling Light dealing with the burden of disappointment. Lucado says: A disappointment is a missed appointment. What we hoped would happen, didn't. We wanted health; we got disease. We wanted retirement; we got reassignment. Divorce instead of family. Dismissal instead of promotion. We wanted a girlfriend; we got a wife. (Haha.. just kidding!)

Then he goes on to talk about how Paul wanted to go to Spain for missions, but instead ended up in prison, where he wrote four important letters.

Exerpt: When we come to God, we make requests; we don't make demands. We come with high hopes and a humble heart. We state what we want, but we pray for what is right. And if God gives us the prison of Rome instead of the mission of Spain, we accept it because we know "God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them" (Luke 18:7).

We go to him. We bow before him, and we trust in him.
(p. 130, pp. 4, Traveling Light by Max Lucado)

I think so far, I've gotten a little bit of both but recently I've been in the depths of the prison. First, I was in the prison. Then, it flooded. Then, everyone else in the prison left me all alone down here. They fixed the flooding, but I'm still down here. So now I just sit here, in this cold (and newly renovated) prison. I'm happy.. but what am I supposed to do down here?!

March 08, 2004


When I got up this morning (at 6:30am), I had this funny feeling in my ears, like that weird feeling you get when you have a nap in the middle of the day and are awaken abruptly. It's like.. this ringing hollow sound in your ears. Anyway, usually it goes away, but it's been going all day long. I'm not sure what to make of it. My co-worker suggested I do a blood pressure test, but I didn't go for it.

It's just a really weird feeling, almost as if I'm not actually awake, and am just walking around in a dream world.

It may as well be a nightmare world.. today work was brutal. I kinda understand now when people talk about working with incompetent people. I wouldn't say I work with them, but sometimes it seems like it, or they're just really lazy. You know people become so lazy sometimes, I think it's because the lull of working for the City finally gets to them and they finally succumb to it. It's sad really. I know that there are people there who are intelligent and hard working, but at a certain point they hit that apex of no longer being capable of caring anymore, and they become dumb.

I know, because I've seen it happen to so many people, including myself. It happened to me one summer, when I worked for them as a student, I was going really strong, but then after a couple of months I found myself doing absolutely *nothing* and I didn't even go and ask for more work. I was actually content with just sitting there reading my email all day long, until someone I was talking to (via email) pointed out that it didn't seem like I was doing anything.

Anyway, I digress. Sometimes it just seems like a tiny little bit of effort would prevent so many headaches at work, like if one person just pulled their weight just a *tad*, life would be so much easier for everyone else. I'm feeling a little bit buried right now.. I used to have my boss to protect me from it, because he knew the kind of workload I had, but he's off on a family emergency, and today people took advantage and my tray became ultra-full. Sigh..

So.. it's gonna be a long week. Hopefully my ears or whatever it is, clears up..

March 07, 2004

For those of you who are not into sports, I seriously suggest you don't read this, as I am going to go quite in-depth here.

Before we get into the Carter vs. Francis, lets address reasons some early concerns of Francis.

"Steve Francis is a ball-hog." This is the perceived notion, but not true as I will prove. Vince Carter attempts 4 more shots per game than Francis does. The Houston Rockets are scoring 88.4 ppg, and Francis is scoring just 16.6 ppg. That's just 19% of the teams' points. How is that ball-hogging? Francis also averages about 6 assists per game. The Raptor's own point guard Alvin Williams averages just 4 assists per game.

The perception that Francis is a ball-hog primarily roots from the fact that Jeff Van Gundy has publicly stated that he would prefer a pure-passing PG and build his offense around Yao Ming. I think it's unfair to judge Francis on that basis, as he's simply a better all-round player than a "pass-first" point guard.

Now, lets dig into the Francis vs. Carter -- whether or not it would even be a fair trade. Which player is better? I will now show that Steve Francis is a far superior player over Vince Carter.

Stat Comparisons

There are 82 games per season, 48 minutes per game, 3936 minutes per season. Francis has played 82% of those minutes, while Vince has played just 65%.

When Vince is playing, Toronto averages 88.1 ppg, and yields 88.2 ppg.
When Steve is playing, Houston averages 89.8 ppg, and yields 86.0 ppg. This shows that Steve has a higher effects his team better than Vince, both offensively and defensively.

Vince is averaging 21.4 ppg, while Steve is only averaging 16.6. However, if Steve attempted as many shots as Vince did, he would be averaging 21.7 ppg.

Shot selection
Vince Carter			Steve Francis

Jump 79% .406 12.3 Jump 74% .387 8.3
Close 16% .515 3.2 Close 22% .508 3.3
Dunk 4% .872 1.3 Dunk 4% .818 0.9
Tips 1% .333 0.1 Tips 0% .250 0.0
Inside 21% .573 4.6 Inside 26% .548 4.2

eFG% is the effective field goal percentage, which basically factors 3-pt shots too. The attempt percentages are more important. Vince is 3 inches taller than Steve, and plays the small forward position. Yet, he takes more jump shots than Steve, shoots more from the perimeter
, and very rarely goes inside.

Foul Drawing

Vince is horrible and drawing fouls, because he doesn't drive to the net. Vince draws fouls on 7.2% of his shot attempts, while Francis draws fouls on 12.2% of his shots.


Francis is a better passer - he averages 7.2 assists per 48 minutes, compared to Vince's 6.3.


Toronto is one of the worst rebounding teams in the league, but of their rebounding, Vince accounts for 8.8% of the teams paltry rebounding. Steve Francis accounts for 9.6%. Not bad for a short guy.


Blocking - Vince wins, hands down.


Vince also takes better care of the ball -- but then again how often is he handling it?

So.. what was the argument again? Why wouldn't we want Steve Francis? We have a team which has problems scoring, and Steve Francis is a good scorer. He may not be as prolific a scorer as Vince (was), but he's pretty good, averaging 20 ppg over his career. Francis is a better rebounder, and we need that. And he's a better passer. Francis is also far more durable. The only time he missed any time was due to migraines, and he's over that now.

Misc Notes

For pure positional debate, Toronto has lacked a consistent true point guard since we lost Damon Stoudamire. Alvin Williams is a good player, but he is not a natural point guard. In fact many would argue that, considering he is a natural shooting guard, would not even be an every-day starter on any other team. Toronto is just not getting the most out of what they can get from the PG position.

In the Eastern Conference, the PG position plays a huge role. You look at what a huge difference Jason Kidd, Stephon Marbury, Baron Davis makes, and how bad Orlando and Washington have become without a legitimate point guard.

Finally I want to make one last statement about Vince Carter and how he is the root to all of the Toronto Raptors' problems.

To most fans out there, Vince Carter is still a superstar. GM Glen Grunwald is building a team around Vince, and problem with that is he thinks Vince will one day start playing like he did 2 years ago. But that version of Vince Carter is dead, and as long as people don't realize this, the team is doomed.

Two years ago, people would have said trading Vince Carter for Kobe Bryant would be a fair trade. Nowadays, I don't think we could trade our entire team for Kobe Bryant. Vince Carter lead the league in All-Star votes, as a small forward. But he's really a shooting guard.

Statistically, where does Vince Carter rank among SGs and SFs?

1. Tracy McGrady
2. Ray Allen
3. Michael Finley
4. Kobe Bryant
5. Paul Pierce
6. Allen Iverson
7. Michael Redd
8. Lebron James
9. Vince Carter

1. Peja Stojakovic
2. Shawn Marion
3. Andrei Kirilenko
4. Donyell Marshall
5. Rashard Lewis
6. Lamar Odom
7. Vince Carter

The longer we hold on to Vince Carter, the lower he is going to fall. 2 years ago if I suggested trading Vince for Paul Pierce, I'd get a few laughs, but now, Celtic fans would be ones laughing. I say we trade him now while he's still worth something.

Here's another Yao showin' Franchise some love :)

it's my favorite thing to do, when i go into a barbershop or salon, and when the person asks me what I want, I tell them "do whatever you think will look good." they always look at me real funny, like their confused or they don't know whether i'm serious or not. anyway, here's that expression, and my haircut:

edit: And a sure-fire way to test the haircut is to take a trip down to the LCBO, which I did, whereupon I was carded. Yay! I'm young again!

March 06, 2004

small group

It occured to me that I will likely never ever use my webspace for an actual website, so why not use it as a file server. Andrew's site has inspired me to make better use of my digital camera. Here's my attempt at being, how do you say, artistic?
everything to me

I grew up in sunday school
I memorized the Golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But I'll never be the same
Because He changed my life when He became

You're everything to me
You're more than a story
More than words on a page of history
You're the air that I breathe
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
You're everything to me
Lord, you're everything to me

We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I'm aware
Of just how fragile life can be
I want to tell the world I found
A love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm praying
Just to give my heart away
I want live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that He is...

And looking back over my life at the end
I'll go to meet you saying you've been...

avalon - everything to me

March 05, 2004


it became apparent to me yesterday at work, that my job is hanging in the balance. you see, my position was created by another division and i filled this position and then was lended out to the division i currently work with now. well, the original division wants that position back, and they will be filling that position with someone suited to do their kind of work. so basically, my job will be swallowed up, in July.

this brings me a few options, it's not all bad. it means that either they create a new position for me (whereupon maybe, just maybe, i'll finally get a real title). right now i'm an "application technologist". what does that mean? nothing to me, except that it is the lowest possible "rung" of salary possible. and the other option is to let me go.

if I was let go, my first thought would be to fly down to las vegas and be with my family. i miss them dearly and aside from my job and a handful of good friends, there is nothing really here that is holding me back.

lately, i've been really tired. after work, it's like i get on the subway and take a nap, and by the time i wake up in time for my stop, it feels like 10pm. yet i'm still waking up at 6:50, 40 minutes before my alarm. seems to me that a lot of people are drained these days. talking to charlene i realized that a lot of people are going through the same sort of "funk" these days. i almost fell asleep today during a board meeting, where we were demo'ing our system to a couple of managers.

progress in the house is going nicely.. they might start painting next week. i'm really encouraged by it.

i'm really impressed with the professionalism displayed by Brian Leetch. I was reading an article about how he'd just heard of his trading (from a team he's spent 17 years with, and on his birthday no less), and the next day he flies in plays for us. i mean he doesn't know any of our players, and probably practiced with them for an hour, and he notches 3 assists that day. that's incredible..

March 04, 2004

i'm old

Before we start on the lighter side of this post, let me just say that if anyone is free on the weekend of March 12-14, please sign up at the MissionFest site as a volunteer. They said they needed about 400 people, and tonight there were maybe 250 people at the info session. So sign up!

Did I just say "we"?

Here's a fun little 'game' I found on my brother's xanga. I felt some of these were unfair, because only girls could have done them. Anyway:

The things you did when you were a kid, make them bold:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."

4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter Shack, House).

17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
18. L.A. Gear...
19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
20. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
22. You wanted to be a Goonie.
23. You ever wore flourescent clothing.
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
26. You took lunch pails to school.
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. 28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.

30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals.
34. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know what you are, but what am I?"
35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

37. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
38. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
40. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome."
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."

43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
44. You wore socks scrunched down.
45. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies.
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME.

March 03, 2004

I get this call from Adam, who says: "Yo guy, 10:30, downstairs. OJ and Alan are coming too. Don't wear your slippers." We joke for a bit about whether I should go down in my pyjamas, and then he hangs up. I don't really have to dress up 'nicer', but my friends are always noting how I tend to dress like a bum, and that doesn't exactly impress the "talent", as they like to call 'em.

It is *so* nice to have a Ten Ren's downstairs.

I guess I'll humor them by wearing a nice shirt. But it's dim enough in there that they shouldn't be able to tell I'm wearing worn out jeans. Do I even need a jacket today?

Right, so I just got back in. When we're talking out, OJ says: Where do you live now anyways? And I point up: Right there. Nice.

I tried the slushie drink they had.. the mango one. Holy cow, was it ever tasty!
Haha! The Leafs got Brian Leetch! All these years of being a big Brian Leetch fan (mostly because we share the same name) and we finally get him. Hopefully this doesn't turn out the same way as my "The Raptors got Hakeem Olajuwon!!" celebration.

Seriously though, great move for the Leafs, I think. The Leafs have been great for the past while, and, not that I mind but it's about time we made a real push for Lord Stanley. Yeah, it's nice we keep making the playoffs but fans can only take so much. And although we can blame the Teacher's Union for our Leafs never spending more to get that super free-agent, it's still disheartening to get eliminated every year.

Also, we aren't exactly getting any younger. I actually watched a game this week, when we shut out the Devils 3-0. It was my first full regular season game I've seen in about 3 years. And it was a great game, Belfour coming back from his back injuries to shut down the defending Champs.

The Leafs gave up a lot for Leetch. Kondratiev, and a couple of picks including a first rounder. I don't even know what Leetch's contract status is. Oh well.

Go Leafs Go!
wow hits 2004

my final review of this 2-cd album. What they should have done is move the Reliant K song and replaced the Amy Grant song on the first cd, and just sold the thing as a one cd album. Well actually, my preference would have been for them to put it between Sing Alleluia and Only Hope. They'd fit together since all 3 are acoustic.

This brings me to a pondering. There was an episode when this christian/country singer comes back to Springfield, and she mentions something about how Christian music is just replacing the word "baby" with "Jesus". Well, the Amy Grant song "Simple Things" uses one 'baby' and not one single mention of God, Christ or Jesus. The only reference she has is the use of the phrase 'miracle of forgiving'. That's all -- it's almost as bad as "Draw Me Close"!

March 02, 2004

re: sermon

If something "works out" but God isn't pleased with it, will He necessarily point it out to us that He isn't pleased?

I think this is like one of those 'what comes first, the egg or the chicken' paradigm thingies. Everything that happens in our lives, happen because God made it happen, or allowed it to happen.

If something is working out for us, like a job or a relationship, and God isn't pleased with it, would He necessarily always point this out to us, like He did for Moses?

Because the way I see it is, if something isn't working out, it's because it wasn't part of God's will and He is unravelling it for us. So in that sense, it probably displeased Him so He stopped working out. But on other than the Bible is telling us that He would allow something to continue even if it didn't please Him, while it's also possible He'd end something that displeased Him.

In other words, we have no idea what God will do. So what's the lesson here, boys and girls?

The lesson here is that we cannot even begin to fathom God's thought process, but rather all we can do is try to live life according to what we think is His will. And to do that, we need to be in constant communication with Him, and constantly consulting the instructions He left us.


On a lighter note, you are currently listening to Getting Into You by Reliant K. I am lovin' this song right now. On the entire CD2 of Wow Hits 2004, this is the only song that I like. So essentially I paid 30 bucks for 1 good cd + 1 good song. I can almost play the whole thing now, but it's kinda sad because I can't sing the high notes in it. What's so sad about that? I could hit notes that high before my cold last month. Sigh..

March 01, 2004

the passion of the christ

This will be my final blog on this movie.

My family saw the movie this past weekend. I think my mom said it best: "I felt the impact of the movie made me more aware of his suffering and sacrifice for me. It is really a movie for you to feel and not for you to debate on."

Mom always knows best. :)