June 11, 2007

Undeserving sequels

This might totally gross some of you out, but I thought of this great analogy for movies that should never have had a sequels. Mind you I'm not talking about bad sequels. Sometimes you had a good movie that had a really bad sequel to it, like Speed 2, or Ocean's 12, Dumb and Dumberer, etc.

But what I'm talking about are sequels to movies that were so unbelievably bad that there was absolutely no reason to make a sequel to it. I'm talking about movies like "Fast and the Furious" which was so bad and yet they made 2, yes TWO sequels to it. "Pirates of the Caribbean" which was just gawd-awful and they again made 2 of them. How about "Weekend at Bernie's", can you believe they had two of those? How dead can the guy be? Wouldn't the body start to rot after awhile? Unbelievable.

Or another example is the most recent 3 Star Wars movies.

One thing I always thought that maybe George Lucas could have done, was say after he made the first one, upon seeing what a disaster it turned out to be, could have just cut ties with the other two and just plead insanity on the first. Like he could have just come to the media and just "Hey you know what, this guy had a nuclear missile pointed at the country and said he'd blow us all up if I didn't make this movie. So I did but then I managed to disable the missile so I'm not making any more of them. Yea I know I said I'd make 3 but I don't really want to subject you to that again, besides I was under duress at the time because I love America and I couldn't let him do that to us." Something like that might make those Star Wars movies slightly more bearable. Then you'd kind of be like "Man, that was the worst movie I've ever seen.. but did you hear that he saved millions of lives by making that movie? Man that George Lucas, what a noble guy, dragging his reputation through a pile of crap just for us. You know, he's my hero."

Anyway back to my gross analogy. When I was little, sometimes I'd take this huge dump and you know it's like the dump is one long strand and it's so unbelievable because it's so long. Some of them would be wound right around several times like a really long snake of poo. Anyway, I'd tell my parents or my brother to come see this unbelievably long piece of crap.

But then the next time someone had a super long crap, they'd invite us to see it but then we'd be like "Umm.. that's okay. I think I'll pass this time." And they'd say "No but this one is really big, and it's got some corns stuck in it.. YOU GOTTA SEE IT, ITS BETTER!", and you'd still maintain your position of "That's okay man, I've seen a long piece of crap before. Even with the extra stuff in it, it's still a long piece of crap and I really don't feel like looking at that right now."

That's exactly like some of these terrible movies that are getting sequels made for them. Can you believe they're making an "Alien vs Predator 2"? And a second "Fantastic Four"? Someone was saying that they think the second installment of Fantastic Four might actually be better than the first. Well I'm thinking that it wouldn't take a whole lot..

No comments: