Star Wars 3

I wanted to write this the moment I stepped out of the theatre but it has taken awhile to put it all together. At first, all I wanted to do was to track down George Lucas and strangle him to death. But I've calmed down a lot now and have decided a simple blog review of the movie will suffice.

Suffice to say, I hated this movie. Putting aside that it provided some closure to this awful, awful trilogy, I cannot even begin to fathom what Lucas was thinking when he wrote this one. All I can think of is that he knew that he was going to make billions of dollars no matter how good or bad the movie was, so basically just "winged" it.

Many people will say this movie was better than the first two. I will concede, this is true. But saying that Episode Three was better than Episode One and Two, is the same as saying eating a bowl of crap is better than eating two bowls of crap. So although it's true, it doesn't really mean anything.

I have heard some say Episode Three was the best of all 6 Star Wars movies. To those who have thought this, I suggest you go to this site. In the words of my OAC calculus teacher: "You need help. Help is available".

So.. where do I start. The thing I hated most was the plot. I felt like it was "too easy". There were things Lucas put in there that made no sense at all, he put them in there conveniently to complete a nostalgic storyline and hoped we wouldn't notice.

Point #1: The Plot

I'm not even going to go into the plot holes connected to episodes 4-6. I feel those are unfair to judge because the movies were made 20-25 years ago and looking back I'm sure Lucas wishes he could have changed a few things here and there.

In non-force terms, the plot of Episode 3: A youth pastor at *THE* church has a bad dream about his wife dying while giving birth. A satanist convinces the pastor that he can prevent this from happening but he has to start worshipping the devil first. So, he goes for it. Years of seminary, training and discipline goes out the window because after all, he dreamt about something bad and dreams ALWAYS come true. He becomes a satan-lover, and his first task is to kill hundreds of people — including small children — and then tries to kill the senior pastor at his church when he confronts him. He then accuses his wife of cheating on him with the senior pastor, and tries to strangle her to death. The senior pastor defeats him in a battle, and then when he wakes up, he has no legs and has to wear a big mask.

Point #2: The Force

The Force. People with The Force can sense feelings in others. Remember lines like "I sense that the force is strong in you". "You must learn to suppress the anger I sense in you". How about an entire evil plot of the Sith Lord, pretending to be the Senator? No senses on that one? Maybe the Sith Lord could mask his own feelings. But how about hundreds of thousands of clone troopers who were in on it? You'd think that all these Jedi's could sense something more than "something doesn't feel right".

Point #3: It's for kids!

People argue this movie (and all the other Star Wars movies) are for kids. This explains the Ewoks, Jar Jar Binks, Pod Racing, R2D2, and robots who say "ow" when they get their limbs cut off. Lucas even stated on television: "The movies are for children but [the fans] don't want to admit that." Um.. for kids? What about when Darth Maul was sliced in half? Was that suitable for kids? When Anakin's legs were chopped off and the stumps caught fire while his face melted off, was that for kids too?

Continued..