April 09, 2005


I went to MissionFest today.

I spoke to some people, but I felt nothing. I felt no urgency, not eagerness. No spark, no fire. Nothing. Maybe there's something wrong with me. After praying all week for discernment and an open heart, I left feeling numbness and frustrated.

If there's more to this life, it's not here. My questions have been left unanswered -- or rather, the answer I got was not something I expected.

So I'm back to square one. Still feeling like I want to get away, still feeling bored of this life, still wanting more. In fact, I started to feel like I had to get away WHILE I was there, which prompted me to walk back to my car and drive home, without even saying goodbye to akt. About all I got out of the festival was a bunch of pamphlets and the new Hillsong United CD "Look To You".


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