I think that's pretty much the gist of everything going on in my life.
(btw, this CD (Nothing Is Sound) totally rocks. Totally, totally rocks. Near the top in terms of best birthday presents ever for sure!)
I've been incredibly, incredibly blessed. My family, my friendships, my career and possessions. I am so thankful for the many relationships I've built over this past year.
And I can tell you without a sliver of doubt in my mind that I am completely, and utterly "blessed". There isn't a single thing I would change (okay, maybe..) and I am satisfied with each and every one of my blessings. I think God gives us blessings, that come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes, they're devastating from our point of view because God is this great big force and we really have no way of knowing that something so devastating is actually something amazing and wonderful.
And even if we try to look at the "bigger picture", that picture is tiny compared to what He is seeing. So while we sit there and cry, and say "Why God, WHY??", He's sits there smugly and says "You'll see". And then some where along the road, it hits you like a ton of bricks, BLAM. And there it is. God smacks you in the face and you sit there completely awestruck, wondering how in the world you didn't see it coming. And then you realize, it's because He's GOD.
Off the top of my head, a few blessings from this past year:
I had this funny conversation with the new guy at work on Friday. We were talking about The Apprentice, about the one contestant named Adam, a 26 year old Jewish businessman. He was incredulated by the fact that Adam was a virgin. He was chuckling to himself and shaking his head, the idea that there could be a 26 year old guy who had never had sex before.
I found it hilarious because when he said "virgin", he whispered it as if it was some kind of bad word. I told him I that I was a virgin, and, being older than Adam, that it wasn't a big deal. I'm a Christian and I believe in "no sex before marriage".
Bewildered, he looked at me and said "you need to get a girl."
Presents and chickening out
I bought gifts for many people but never gave them out. It's like I had them, and then I thought about it whether or not they'd appreciate it. And I guess I just thought too hard about them and never gave them out. They're just sitting there, in my living room. And it doesn't stop there. I have other gifts too, I have a cute stuffed animal that I bought for someone and never had the nerve to give it that person, and then I have this cute little doggy thing which I also never gave out. Boxes of chocolates, books, little trinkets and what not. I even have birthday cards where I wrote a really meaningful message to the recipients, and then for one reason or another, never gave the card out. They sit in a drawer, gathering dust. I think I've got one from like 1993.
I'm a compulsive-buyer-of-gifts-and-afraid-to-them-give-away-er. I'm weird. I'm weird and it doesn't make sense. Why do I do these things? I'm Sick. What am I supposed to do with them all now? Today was supposed to be the day I'd give them out. I won't see anyone until next year, AFTER Christmas, AFTER New Years. What a fool.