missions? maybe not.
i think God's been speaking to me about this topic. it all started at the servanthood workshop at fellowship 2 weeks ago. there, while talking to some people i realized how little i'm serving God, and how blessed i've been throughout my life. it's amazing when you talk to others about their lives you learn so much about yourself at the same time. hearing about other peoples' problems and realizing how minute yours are. when i think about how fortunate i've been, it makes me feel guilty about the situations of the peers/friends around me.

then at missionfest, the speaker, a mr. stowell (sp?) talked to us about how Peter gave up his fishing business to follow Christ, to become a missionary. and Christ repeatedly asking Peter if he truly loved Him, and what it really means to love God. at the end, the speaker summed it up by saying "what are your fishes?". i mean, i knew he was going to lead up to it, but finally when he said it, it was like bam!

then on saturday, i met up with oscar for lunch, where i shared my feelings about this him. we talked about how inspiring a person can be, and he told me about a girl who gave up everything, and has been doing missions for 3 years now, living almost day-to-day making no more than $50/week. and at the same time, we also talked about how we need to be called, not guilted, into taking a step into that direction of missions. we ate at congee wong's, and, an old chinese man sat beside us and for some reason he kept wanting to talk to us. he told us how he was born in malaysia (in broken english/mandarin) and how we should all move to china and work there, to help "our" country. he told us about a man he knew, who got his m.d in Toronto, and then moved to China to serve as a doctor for 70 years. and he kept mentioning something about mao tse tung's right-hand-man. I think he was it, or well i dunno, it was hard to understand him with his thick accent.

i've always felt that the job i have now has already been an unbelievable gift from God. i mean after applying for over 100 jobs, and then getting this one, which i didn't even apply for. and thinking about my fellow mates who are still unemployed, most of whom are way more qualified than i am. should i give up all this (stuff that God gave me), to go serve Him?

then on sunday, in sunday school we talked about how difficult it would be for a rich man to go to heaven -- as difficult as trying to fit a camel through the eye of a needle! [note: i was actually picturing myself trying to squeeze camel "puree" through a small hole.. but that is sorta gross so i didn't bring it up in class].. and the teacher reiterated again about not being called by guilt but rather by circumstance, if God wanted me to be somewhere i wasn't, He would find a way to put me there.

He wouldn't have given me this job, if He wanted me in China, for instance. and when i think about about alf, who didn't find work and is now in kazahkstan, that really shows what they're talking about -- if He wants us somewhere, we'd be there.

anyway, those are my thoughts.