I flew in this morning pondering what I should do this year, like, what will define me this year. Last year I was defined by World of Warcraft, a video game that I became addicted to and to this day, have not stopped playing. But over the holidays and my 13 day vacation in Las Vegas, I've given that a lot of thought -- about how I could become so involved with a game, so tuned out to the rest of the world, my friends and family. How could a video game take over my life like that. I can't allow it control me anymore.
Also, small group has been on my mind.
Isn't it funny, how sometimes you have this vision, this strong outpouring motivation to do something, and then you just lose all steam, or something clicks in your mind that convinces you that you're not good enough to do it? Or maybe you feel like you just don't have the time for it. I guess that's my position on my small group leadership stint.
People keep asking me -- "Hey Brian, have you joined a small group yet?" Well, the thing is I was waiting until the groups filled up some more before I decided where to go. But now it sounds like groups have filled up.
And that's okay I guess. I'm glad that there's been a large pouring of interest in joining groups. It's been really great that this ministry has blossomed.
And people need it. I need it. I need those people keeping me accountable, the people who provide that togetherness God's family. Once you've tasted that loving community, and then you step away from it, you see how badly you needed it. But until you've experienced it, it just seems like a silly thing or just a group of friends meeting regularly for some bible study. But it's so much more than that.
If I can't find a group then I guess I'll have to find another source for it, maybe at another church or something. I can't picture going on without it.
I kinda digressed on my original point, of what could define me this year. I attended Soulstice this past Sunday and was touched by Pastor Alex's talk about TOGETHERness, about community, discipleship and outreach. It gave me a profoundly new perspective on that subject of community, life together in the Family.
I guess what I'm saying is that I want "community" to define me this year. Whether that's by small group, or by community work, or missions -- it's something that I'd like to strive towards for 2006.
I bought tons of clothes in Las Vegas. Lots of clothes from various outlet malls, in Prim and in Las Vegas. I bought my first Banana Republic clothes. My first Clark's shoes, my first Skechers shoes (yes, I nearly doubled my shoe collect in one fell swoop). I bought my first Ralph Lauren clothes. It's crazy, looking inside my suitcase and seeing all the brand name stuff that I got for so cheap.
I discovered that you can pull off a lot of different looks with a shaved head. I cut my hair again after we got back from Los Angeles and all my clothes looked that much better on me.
On the flight home I thought about why I've never had brand name clothing before, or why I never try to be one of those "well-dressed" people. I think it stems from the fact that I feel uncomfortable around such people -- that somehow, from a person's appearance, I feel like I'm a lower class, or less distinguished. So in turn, I don't dress well either because I don't want others feeling the way I do.
I like wearing scrubs. It makes everyone around you feel better, and it hella more comfortable. And yet, there I was buying all these neat clothes, and feeling really good about it. Looking in the mirror and thinking, "Damn, I look good..."