friends, faith

quickly - i really enjoyed small group tonight, and the hanging out afterwards.

these people are starting to feel like family and i love that.

and now... faith. i have little of it, but supposedly, it's enough. that tiny mustard seed's worth of faith, only mine is probably half the size of that seed. but it's just a metaphor anyway, so even half that seed is more than enough. we discussed faith at small group tonight, about how sometimes when we pray we almost avoid praying directly for we want because we often will try to rationalize our requests or alter them slightly to avoid possible disappointment. as if we think God can't do it.

if we don't truly believe God will answer our prayer, then isn't that a poor motive (james 4:3)? we should remember that with God, all things are possible and thus pray outright for what we want.

after david yonggi cho spoke on the saturday last week, i started to pray more earnestly and more in expectation that God would answer my prayers. but even towards the end of this week i have already reverted back to the doubt that i started out with. i would ask Him for something, and then try to bargain with God, saying something like "well, i mean if it's not part of your will, then let's just forget the whole thing. i'm just up for whatever you want for me". i think because of human tendancies to try to cover up for our fears, or try to smooth things over, it's difficult to put out there like that and just ask God for exactly what we want. we tend to think that if we just flat out ask, God will thing we are being overzealous or that we have improper intentions.

and the whole Hebrews 11:1 thing boggles my mind. how be sure of something we hope for? is it like, if someone was praying for a car, they'd reject all rides being offered to them, and just sit there expecting a car to show up eventually? again i'm reminded of Dr. Cho's experience of praying for the chair, table and bicycle. how he could tell his congregation that he had received those items when he hadn't. it would seem like sheer madness, to me, to go and act as though i had something i had prayed for, without actually having it.