February 08, 2005

homesick

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Work has become really boring lately. Not as in I'm not busy, but just boring as in repetitive and unchallenging. I'm finding more often than not that I'll be sitting in a meeting, or talking to my boss, and in the back of my mind I'm thinking "What's the point of this? What am I doing here?".

I wake up, I shower, play guitar, get dressed, go downstairs. Sleep for 40-60 minutes in the subway. Walk through the underground path. Sit down at my desk. Work. Eat lunch. Food coma. Work. Walk back to subway, sleep another 40-50 minutes. Buy food. Either watch tv or play WoW while eating. Sleep. It's the same damn thing every day.

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Nothing seems to be going right for me. I never reached any goals, but then again, I never set any. I have no dreams or aspirations. And that's just the metaphorical aspect of it. I don't think I've dream dreamed in a long time either. I feel like nothing I do makes a difference. I feel like I'm disconnected. When I try to reach out to someone, they either turn away from me or ignore me.



Have you ever been on a vacation, where you went for too long? It's like the time I went to Vegas for 2-1/2 weeks, after about 10 days, I wanted to go home. There was nothing left to do there. Instead of vacation, "something new", it had become something old. I wanted to get out, I wanted to go back home.

Right now I feel like I want to go home.

2 comments:

Psycho Girl said...

I think the biggest challenge to Christians aren't the highs and the lows, because in either place you have momentum to lean on God and to "feel" like you're being moved by God.

The big challenge is in sustaining joy and peace with God in times of plateau, when you're not buffetted by "feelings" of great joy or great sadness. Gaining maturity and consistency, by exercising discipline in maintaining the relationship with God and continually being God focused when things get "boring".

God isn't about just the good times or the bad times, its about the every day, all the time.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose ... Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Phil 2:1-2,5)

Okay my verse doesn't really match the context of your blog, but there is a reason why I thought of it.

If "Nothing seems to be going right for me" as you say, then maybe its time to refocus away from you ... away from what YOU are doing, and what YOU can achieve, and focus on what GOD is doing and all GOD can achieve.

Pray for God to open your eyes to what He's doing and ask Him to allow you to step into it ... I don't think there is anything more exciting, less repetitive, or more challenging then being aware of all God is doing outside of our own litte "me" world.

eBrian said...

Yes.. in a nutshell that's what I meant by wanting to go home. It's not my intention to preach to others but appreciate your thoughts.